Spiritual Struggle

Complication

There is always a reason to something. Sometimes, we don’t know the reason until years later and I’m afraid that will be occur.

Whenever I see a mother, I whisper under my breath, such a blessing. It is a blessing! There are those who want children, but, can’t. Here, I see so many parents who find it quite the opposite.

Everyone has their struggles. This is mine. I might seem to have a lot of things done according to what I want. But, this is just out of my control. It’s depressing.

There was once when I knew I was pregnant, but it was gone… very early. I have never in my life gained 5 kg in a short period of time. Max was 2. My weight has always been the same since I was in my teens. Plus, with all the symptoms and becoming plump. But when it was gone, the test failed and no one believed me. The doctor didn’t believe me and said to keep up with that weight. It’s the correct weight for my height, actually. Was she kidding me? I have very high metabolism and I’ve been underweight since I was a small child. I lost that 5kg very quickly without doing anything, after that (well, I only exercise once a week… which, I still do. But, nothing more). My dietary intake has always been the same. I’ve been sad, since.

Do I blame myself for this shortcoming? Sometimes. Though, I’d put up a front. I smile and try to brush the questions, when people bring it up. I smile when I see all our friends who are married, all with children. It breaks my heart.

Well… sometimes, we’ll never know the reasons why things happen the way it did. I hope mothers out there will cherish their children. Not everyone can have your blessings.

❤ Icesabel

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2 thoughts on “Spiritual Struggle

  1. My sister lost the ability to have children before she had any. It was a rough time for her. They did adopt one child, but mostly they got involved in community helping the disadvantaged. Doing that seems to have helped her get completely over the loss and to move on. I pray that you can have a fulfilling life

    • I was thinking of adoption, but, my husband isn’t too keen. Maybe, in time, things will be different. Your sister is a strong woman, indeed. Nice to hear that she’s able to keep going strong. Yeah, we’ll see how things go. Thank you. 🙂

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