The sadness

Found out why I’ve been sad/stressed and didn’t have much appetite, as of lately.

Since I joined Twitter, I saw and absorbed way too much truth of reality. I’d call it a mental shock. Of course, I knew what I was signing up for. Working in a global non-profit allowed me to work and talk with people who have been through what I’d only have nightmares of. Their truth is way better than any news I’d read or watch over what the corrupted media would ever want to feed to their sponge society.

What I didn’t anticipated was my heart and mind being scrunched and torn… hurled and broken.. again and again. It hurts, so bad, not being able to do a thing. It hurts to see inhumane animated beings killing without a second thought. How could they? It hurts to see so many huge problems everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Except places where puppets are oblivious to the world outside of their bubble.

Didn’t help that the earthquakes and hurricanes, etc have been raging in my team’s countries. Depressingly sad. Crying without tears because it freaking hurts way too much.
But…

I was also partly (small portion) stressed because of my next step in my so-called career. Thinking of taking another 2 certifications on top of my current one-year course. I don’t know how or why exactly, but, I can feel a similar burning of a huge flame within me. Just as it did a long time ago. Feeling excited like a small child finding a new challenge. That one cert I went on to seach on, came up with so many people who took 6-9months to self-study and intensed studying and testing to have to get 70% to pass in a 7 hours exam! Brutal. I guess, I have to start somewhere. Exams can be booked when I’m ready. So, no rush for now.
😞I’m exhausted right now. Didn’t sleep well last night because of the haze and hot temeprature. Had to last all the way until my night class ends after my working day. After all this time… I’d thank God for shedding this much light in my way. There are still a lot of burning questions running through my mind. But, I’ve been listening to the Quran and it has been peaceful for me, today. If only I can fast forward time. Somehow, the parts don’t look like they’ll fit properly at this angle. But, I have a feeling, they will fit, but, only when the time is right.

May God bless and protect us all. Only He knows everything.
❤ Icesabel

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8 thoughts on “The sadness

  1. Dearest Princess twitter is not all that great on reality. As one’s pain felt moment is not the same for their very own neighbour. Respectfully taking a word as just that.
    Working with them is another story and again you will know that the shared moments ae lived differently by any person.
    News is only one side of a story after all. Made by a person in his own bubble.

    Be strong and focus on what you can do to make your surroundings safe and good to live in.
    Take care of your body and soul… hugs

    • Whether others perceive only mere words and pictures as just that. But, it isn’t for me. Not that I’d want to explain why or how it is for me. I understand what you’re getting at though. My surroundings is safe and good to live in. So much so that the younger generation here are mostly spoilt brats. I’m not the only one who pissed on that fact. It was probably due to being in the initial stage. I can handle it better now. Thanks.

  2. I hope you find some rest, working so close to the pulse and peaks of life can be exhausting. The big real world outside of our bubbles is chaos, fear, change and struggle. It’s very heart breaking. Deep breaths and focus my friend.
    B~

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