Lonely or Empowering?

I’ve still not gotten used to being the only girl or that rare girl amongst the guys in my working field.

When I go for conferences, trainings and classes, I’m the “extra”, who stands out like a thorn. I even remember being “ignored” the whole evening and people going on to say, that, they thought someone had brought his wife along to an IT technical training on the ground. It’s fine this time around. In a class of about 20, I’m the only girl. I was the only girl when I took my Cisco certification last year. One out of 10, when I was taking a Microsoft class years back.

Not many girls in IT in my organisation, as well. The only girl amongst my counterparts and our bosses; which is on a ratio of 1 out of 10.

It isn’t exactly lonely though. I’d prefer being around my guy comrades. Thing is… I’m totally ackward around girls. Other than my twin-geek girl, who’s in charge of applications for our region, I can’t “click” with other girl techies.

I’m up for causes of wanting young girls to stay in school. Ermm.. heh… was referring to what some non-profit organisations are trying to advocate. If someone was to want me to teach young girls to make full use of their intellect or to be techies or “move up”, I’m up for it. No feminism though. I don’t exactly agree with some propagations. In my humble opinion, if you have what it takes, show it and be that person you want to be. I do think that “displacing” men to forcefully place a ratio of women in the top spots is demeaning, in a way. Anyway, if you’ve read a lot of articles and real women experiences, there are a different set of characteristics that are needed to be on par with these men. If I didn’t have or nurtured some of those traits, I would’ve left this dream. After all, the ratio is disproportionate and will stay like so, for some time.

But hey… I’ve been looked down a lot, anyway. My small stature is a weakness in other’s eyes. I can do things alone, when I put my mind to it. Just this afternoon, two people (who are new) thought that I needed help carrying a mere desktop and got surprised at me carrying it with one hand. *Ouch* Oh, come on… It IS light. You’ve got to know the technique in carrying things. *coughs* Just did last week. Carried those massive metal batteries that are half my weight each. *coughs* Used to carry heavier things last time. You know what’s heavy? Those Satellite dishes that I had to carry with some guys during an IT emergency training. Those things are brutally heavy!

Anyway, I don’t look the part. I either dress up like a girl going to school or someone who loves wearing sun-dresses and make-up. But, hey… I’ll do whatever that makes me happy. *coughs* Those geek-hippie girls wearing glasses and whatnot are the ones who are trying to fit in to our world, because, they couldn’t get attention elsewhere. *coughs* Now, do I even need to talk about about your own life choices, if you’ve matured enough? But honestly, I don’t really mind these wannabes. I find them entertaining for a second. The reason to why I’m not envious is the fact that they, most probably, don’t have what I have *up there*, in terms of being in the industry, for real. Something I’d choose over superficial traits. I’m attracted to intelligent people, anyway. Even if I do come across a smart lady, the only thing that’d be on my mind would be, aiming to be as good as her or better. But, not with jealousy. It’s with respect. Her traits have just become part of my future objectives.

Oh well. I’m excited for my 2nd class. We have practicals on Thursdays and theories on Mondays. Just one word. Hacking. My future path will be changed. Only because, I want it to.

Ciao~
❤ Icesabel

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One thought on “Lonely or Empowering?

  1. Yeah we men even the geeks and dorks can be rather cruel when it is a men’s majority kind of world you step in… But I pretty sure you will kick ass crunch balls and put them straight.

    Go walk the path you want to follow and make it worth wild every step of the way.

    Big huggers princess.

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