Back to school?

Been in a little “mess” with some things at work.
Not that it’s that bad though.
Decided that I wanted to take up a specialist diploma, but, it’ll be a one year night-classes course.
A director volunteered to sponsor me for the course, which is really nice, but, I’m afraid that I’d be too tired for anything else or even work on the next day.

I’ve taken up a couple of courses since I started working and I know how tiring it is just to work full-time, even during weekends and night when needed and still have to go for classes and study (crack my brains out and tire me).
Don’t want to be cranky than I originally am!

In addition to the “pressure” of seeing my other friends of my same age group to already have kids.
That tick-ticking sound… in my head.

But, I heard from a colleague that there might be plans after I take that course.
Sadly, not a plan made by my boss.
Asked if I wanted to focus on one specialism, instead of being a Jack of all trades.
I knew that if there is a plan to do that, I’d have to take way more courses and tougher ones at that, to move towards that goal.
Somehow, I wasn’t ready to swerve out of my comfort zone to take even more of my extra time, if it were to ever be realised.

A lot of things are changing in the office.
A whole lot.
Indirectly… it’s affecting me.
Since I went back last month, I’ve been trying to invalidate negativity out of my system (about work).
Not sure if I’ve been taking my time or I’ve been having too much that I can’t make out the time.
Which then makes me lose track of it and I tend to realise that it’s already time for lunch or go home.

All I know is that, some people are leaving.
Some of whom are moving up the ladder and moving towards global instead of just this Asia region.
They’re all planning… and I’m part of it, although, I don’t know whether I’m suppose to be in the front or the back.
Have I chilled out so much that I’ve not even given thought to what I want in the future?
Or am I so clueless about it?

Taking things one at a time and I have until the end of this month to confirm whether I’d take up the course.
My brain is doing is thing and saying…
What if I took up that course, change my scope and decide to leave instead?
If things didn’t look up, I’d still have this.
Not saying that things are bad, but, I’m so unsure about a couple of things.

Why is it that people trust me so much anyway?
On the outside, I see this idiotic girl who only wants to be recognised for something thatt she loves to do.
She irritates me at different points in time in my life and yet, I don’t see much of a choice, but, to love her.
Because she’s me and I’m her.
Many a time, I think that I have a little more luck in this field than anywhere else and that’s the so-called gift or talent that I was born with.
Not a real talent.
Just luck.

Then again… I might just be mumbling away because I’m confused right now.


❤ Icesabel



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