My heart keeps on beating so quickly.
All I can think of is the things that has been going on… Playing like an old record.
Giving me stress to no end.
Been playing my heart out the last 2 days and although, it does relieves some of it, I can’t shake the rest of it off.
Can’t believe that a part of my brain keeps telling me to give up and find something else.
But… But… I don’t want to be a quitter at this point of time.
It’ll tarnish my image that I’ve built for myself for a few years now.
Is this because of the fact that a few weeks back, I met up with my tertiary classmates.
There were 5 of us girls and amongst us, 2 of them don’t need to work since they have a rich hubby/family.
I’m like.. I wish I can go on a long holiday as well.
I wish I need not work this hard.
What exactly am I achieving?
It struck me that I was just creating goals to move on in life.
Making things work depending on the situation.
A part of me wished that I did that jump to migrate a few years back.
I should’ve told my young self to go for it.
I don’t exactly hate my life right now.
But, I do notice that there are times when I get so morbid, my thoughts go into a frenzy and start to imagine what life would be without being around.
But, they’re only passing thoughts, so, it’ll end in a couple of seconds and I forget about it.
Maybe it’s because I don’t know what I really want yet.
My initial plan was to find that other path to leave my current field.
But, since I didn’t have time to do so and considering the circumstances, I had to set up a plan B.
Thought it would be fun.
But, it’s sucking out all my energy and positivity.
So much so that I ask myself whether this will be worth it.
It takes me to the other side of life.
As I start watching others with their lives.
As if I’ve been placing myself in other people’s shoes from all walks of life as I see them on my way to my destinations.
In itself, trying to understand what certain things really meant for them… And maybe can be applied to me somehow.
I’ve been stalled.
By my own feelings.
All I can do is try my best.
The worst that can happen is for me to walk away.
So, yeah… Sigh…