限りなく征けよ = Let’s go to the very end
My current fave anime – Madan no Ou to Vanadis
Such a shameless anime though =X
*If you’re curious, this song is the Outro theme song, sung by Hitomi Harada, called Schwarzer Bogen.
Well, back to reality.
I’ve been pretty sad and happy (at the same time) for the past few days.
It’s been announced to everyone on my departure next week.
Thus, I’ve received quite a number of emails or messages, since most of them are either still on holiday leave or they’re from another country.
Couldn’t even reply them on the same day, because, I’ve been rushing to finish some last minute jobs.
Talking with them…
Realised how tough I’ve been on myself for the past years.
Although I take pride at what I do and I’m pretty arrogant in my head at times (just to brighten up my day).
I’ve always thought that I’m never good enough.
I take mental notes of who I couldn’t help the most because sometimes, there just isn’t any solution and we have to compromise and what kind of things that I couldn’t do or fulfil.
Although, I do apologise and admit my deficiency in giving what people need.
Makes me feel incredibly laughably dumb and sad not being able to do so.
Even so, the person who I’ve not being able to resolve the most issues, got to me.
It was touching enough that he said that he hasn’t met someone on par with me, so far, in terms of skills and speed.
So did a few others.
This what I’ve learned from that:
Some acknowledged me being in the forefront trying to help everyone and push for the region.
Some say that I’m humble? (Which I doubt I am the slightest. Definitely the most big-headed).
Surprisingly, didn’t expect that some would even say that I’m always smiling (whether if we do meet or in emails or via messenger and whatnot) and teaching them to be positive, especially being in a thankless field.
I guess they’ve not seen my temperamental side, which only comes out when I’m in the office.
Since all of them are from elsewhere.
A lot of people do find out, especially those with a sharp eye and ear, how vulnerably honest I can be.
But, from where I stand right here.
I realised that I’m seeing another persona.
Someone quite different from when I’m not working.
I know I’ve spoken about being passionate.
But, I didn’t realise the other kinds of impacts it could result in.
It actually is love.
The only thing I’ve understood the past few years is my love for a lot of people who I work with and the love of what I do.
I’ve always seen a job as a relationship.
You fall in love.
Make things work.
Find a helping hand when you fall and pick you up (sometimes, without even asking).
Enjoy the company.
Spend a lot of your (life)time there (at work or doing work).
Grow and learn.
Fall in love all over again.
But, when you know that it’s time to move on, you do so with a really heavy heart.
You know what love does to you.
Don’t tell me you’ve never ever been in love before.
You grow that extra limb when you lose one.
Supporting those you love even when you’ve nothing.
You give them a thumbs up even when you’re crying inside.
Softly say sorry when you’re wrong, even when your ego doesn’t want you to.
Own up.. speak up… whether now or eventually.
They’re not the ones who should be thanking me for anything at all.
Those who’d probably didn’t like me would probably have said “it’s your job after all”.
I should be the one being thankful because of the negative thoughts of me thinking that I’m not good enough, despite giving my best, has made me resolved to work even harder.
Shucks… how can I not be this sad?
I did leave an advice to the team I’ve always loved the most.
The same advice I got from random people throughout my lifetime (including some of you who read my blog).
Knowing how a lot of them work non-stop: at night, weekends and even whilst on holiday.
“Take your time to relax and spend more time with your loved ones.
You can’t ask time back after it has flown by.
Take care of your health (too much stress can cause sickness and whatnot).
Always smile and look ahead even when it isn’t exactly the best day of the year!”
I might be a workaholic as well, but, I’ve learned about taking care of my health, which in turn affects my mood and quality of work and towards those I care about.
Plus, I’m not going to miss years of shortened time with my elders, especially my mum, or siblings or my hubby.
I can’t afford feelings that negative feeling of regret of not doing what I ought to whilst they’re still around.
Admit the truth of reality.
We’re not going to be around forever.
I’ve learned a lot from these people.
Hopefully, I’d be able to do the same when I move over to my next destination.