Just Hush…

Well, yes.
I did get the job offer.

Apparently, the CEO is being himself by pushing it on my salary offer.
I had a talk with the HR lady and one of my 2 bosses I’ll be working closely with, at Starbucks, yesterday afternoon.
They asked me what he had said to me and knew the intense moment when they saw him sit upfront nearer towards where I was seating.
The meeting room was surrounded by glass walls.
Well, what was I supposed to say?
I just said the truth.
He intimidated me and my mind went blank.
They explained that he has that effect on everyone.
The kind of person who loves challenges.

Are Swiss like that?
I’ve worked with a lot of English (UK), US, Caucasians, French, Indian, China, Nepalese, other ethnics bosses and well, it’s kind of biased and seem one-sided for the fact that I was lucky to get awesome ex-bosses… but, I’ve yet to know these guys.

Wasn’t expecting that they’d tell me directly what he had talked to them after the interview.
Whether they feel comfortable working with me (as far as how the interview went for each of them).
Whether they can promise him that I could fit in well and to “take care of me?” and not “run away?”.
No, I do not understand the last portion.

*This still says a lot about me right now.*

I still feel pissed about a lot of things.

All I feel like doing right here is to wash my hands clean and go on a holiday.
The thought of spending money for a holiday is quite irritable, as well, actually.

I seriously want to play a MMORPG that will take me away from reality and live within the beautiful worlds of nothingness.
Without doing anything else except wandering around.

Since last last month, the sudden surge of people coming to me and problems popping out, just makes me want to throw it all out the window.
I feel like telling them… “Don’t come to me. I’m mentally lethargic. I won’t be able to help you because my motivation has depleted close to zero”.
But, I try anyway.
It’s a shame that I’m only giving them.. probably 20% of me.

It’s already a warning on my end.

I should tell my mum that I’m not preggie after all.
Something must’ve happened and I lost “s/he”.
My period came.
I was nausea for 3 freaking weeks and I couldn’t concentrate on work, gained 4kg, hated what I used to love to eat, slowly eating lesser prolly because of the slower digestive system changes, feeling tired and slept earlier even when I didn’t do much for the day.
How depressed can one be?
I wanted to believe so much that nothing ever happened.
But, it did.
Not with ALL those changes that happened for nearly a month.
I know my body.
I know myself.
I’m losing the weight again now.
I can eat what I like now.
Most of all, no more nausea and vomiting for weeks.
There… I said it.

I even cancelled another interview I had yesterday evening.
Thinking that I should get another backup.
Forget it.
My brain is just not up to anything else for now.

I can’t do anything right now.
Except complain and mumble.
A mental block is happening again.

I do have a week and a half of holiday end of this month.
But, I don’t even have plans to do anything or go anywhere.
Since my hubby can’t take any more holiday leave.

Maybe I should do what I used to when I was a depressed angst teen.
Go to the beach.. cycle.. swim in the sea… draw.. listen to the sound of the waves.. relax and unwind… all by myself.
Maybe I should.

The CIO (my boss’ boss) just emailed me to write-up on my boss (regional IT manager’s) for his performance review.
I’m not exactly in the right mind to write anything.
Wasn’t expecting that.
We have this system of nominating 5-6 people from our organisation, who could be anyone, to write a “review”.
Actually, I have no idea what to write for my boss.
He’s one quiet person who I don’t know much of.
In this organisation alone, I had my boss changed thrice.
Oh well~
I’ll think about it tomorrow.


</3 Icesabel


2 thoughts on “Just Hush…

  1. Well the new boss seems very open to your upcoming colleagues. I think that might be a plus as one will be working n a team. As far as the Swiss go, I always thought them of keeping distant, not wanting to meddle.

    And dearest little lady, you should take care of yourself. Okay who am I right, i went AWOL last time as well, wanting to be alone and it worked. If your man can handle himself have some time alone. breath in some clarity.

    As fr a quiet boss you hardly seen it i just that. managing from the distance but doing a great job not sure if he was on top of things when it went bad.

    To much info I Know. Be well and take good care of yourself missy Icesabel.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s