Panic Attack!

Wasn’t anticipating to get so drilled down that I feel like breaking down.


Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the top man… that he knows what exactly to say.
But, he has an extensive knowledge on so many things that I froze, was stunned and my brain went empty!

It was as if the cold wind swept across my mind and left me stranded in a polar desert.
Completely blank!
Then, I panicked!
He was nice enough to give feedback on the whole ordeal, but, at the very end, I was holding back tears whilst he explained.
If not for myself forcing my brain to stay calm… it would’ve happened… I would’ve burst into tears.
Yes, he was the only one amongst everyone else all these years to find that one weakness to cause a BSOD to my brain.

It wasn’t as if he was asking out of the world questions.
I did eventually answered bits and pieces, but, I forgot a lot of things that I knew about.
Things I would’ve been able to remember and know if I didn’t freeze.

The worst part of it all was, because of that, I couldn’t eliminate my level of honesty and blurted out that I’d probably fail.
What the… I would never have said that if I was on my normal mode.
I knew it was doomed to fail and at the last part, I guess I blurted out what was left in my head.
He gave an advice of somewhat similar to what one of my ex-bosses told me.

*This is how I felt.. whilst talking to him… “I am little and he is big”*
He’s the CEO after all~


Sure, sometimes I do wish that I could be someone who has that charisma and go on perfect tones who can posture myself perfectly with people.
But, if I could, I’d probably would’ve prosper even more being in the sales/marketing/charismatic leader who knows how to play up their strengths (even if they’re actually half-truths because of having to make “profits”).
I’m not like that and I’m not sorry for being me (not that anyone blames me, but, just saying).

Didn’t say I’ve not improved through the years.
I could barely even speak up last time.
But, this guy just made me go on a panic attack!


*the awkward moment when you can view your “competitors”*
In the job portal, I can view those who’ve applied for a certain position.
At this point in time, there are 81 applicants.
The position isn’t even closed until next week.


I’m not stated in the list (you won’t see yourself when you login)

I’m thinking twice now.
Hur hur hur~
Nah… it’s over.
Que Sera Sera.


❤ Icesabel


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