Tmr

Why did my boss even send me a 1-to-1 invite to talk out of the blue tomorrow?
I know.. I should wait… but, I’ve already been feeling frustrated as of lately…
That it has built so much tension within me that I feel like I might explode if I don’t rant for a couple.

I don’t know whether I’ve stepped over my boundary.
Been trying to get a lot of things done for the countries.. for my regional IT team (which I’ve mentioned before.. is scaling down).
Honestly, I’m not even a manager.
Well, that’s not the name of the position.
It’s a “specialist”, but, I do work under the Regional Manager for my region who works for the CIO.
Extremely flat hierarchy.

Whatever that my regional IT team from each country asks me for help.. I’m there.
I know how it is because I’ve been there and I’m still there.
So, I sent out bits and pieces of requests directly to the HQ to get things done.

I know myself.
If I want something, I’ll go out and get it, if, I have the means.
My mum used to always tell me “anything is possible”.
I’d add ” if you put your head and heart in it”.

At times, when the other regions or HQ doesn’t do something about something, I’d do it first.
/shrugs
If I know my team needs it, I don’t want to wait until the sky falls down.
Probably due to my impatient attitude.

There is one more person way more feisty than me who’d pilot way more projects than any others globally-combined.
Don’t think that’s an exaggeration either.
One of the most intelligent and capable leader I’ve ever met.
The only country team in the world that works with the HQ closely.

I don’t even have half of what he owns to be who he is.
But, I do what I can… and yeah… sometimes, I wish I can be just like him.
More assertive.. brilliant in any work that is planned out and done.
He’s always thinking up so many things to make a more positive impact for everyone.

But, this time around, I’ve got a feeling that I’ve pushed past my boundary.
Not scared though.
It’s a big project.
Everyone is involved, but, I don’t know whether I’m pushing them too much.
After all, they’ve been asking the region to do something about this and that.
I don’t see much changes, so, I went ahead and started this.

I’ve been doing a lot of stretch projects since I joined this organisation.
Lucky for me, my boss would acknowledge and if anyone were to ask about it, they’re well informed that I piloted it.
He would support any projects that our team decide to take up.
But, sometimes, I wish he would be the one pushing for all these instead of me and lead.

I guess, at times, I also get a little agitated when the IT managers from some of the countries seem to take things slowly.
Yet, they’re asking for instantaneous results of assistance.
Makes me feel as though I have a lot of time in my hands and they’re too busy.T_T

There’s actually a horrible negative vibe in the physical office since this year.
I haven’t talk about it, but, I don’t think I want to either way.

So.. adding these points to the earlier thoughts/blog about wanting to move along.

Just heard from our security director about one of my regional IT guys being shot last night after coming back from playing sports.
What the…
Doing ok now, but… wondering why this was done.
/sigh
It wasn’t even from one of the higher risks countries.
He’s younger than me and always bursting of energy… talkative and always helpful.
Hope he gets better soon.

Well… lets just see what it’s about tomorrow.

❤ Icesabel

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8 thoughts on “Tmr

  1. Do not be so hard on yourself.
    IT is ever changing and always needed of upgrades and new securities to keep UP with the outside world. We are always one step behind. Makes me wonder how some can be so relax knowing full well we need to catch up.
    Maybe it is an update talk. where you tell how things are doing. And doing things with a scaled down team is asking for more work pressure.

    Sorry to here about the guy getting shot, it is something you never want to hear.
    Always smile beautiful and keep your chin up. Made me happy to see you rant again LOL

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