Jitters

Oh gosh…
I’ve finally got that feeling (most people have) when the big day is coming up soon.
T_T
I hate it.
3 months left.
Weird that I felt nothing whilst being in the “4 months category”.

I went off from work early last Friday to collect the wedding cards.
Wanted to save money by taking the train home, but, it was so heavy that I couldn’t even walk far with the package.
So, I had to take the taxi back.
=/
We’d probably start sending the cards out in June.

We have NOT bought our wedding bands and the hantaran stuff.
Hummm… I was asked to try some cosmetic rings to go for my Kebaya, but, I have no idea what’s the size of my finger.
I don’t wear rings and I don’t even have a proposal/engagement ring.
We’ll be meeting our post-wedding photography company next weekend to book the one-way trip flight and hotel to Korea.
I still have not done up anything for our honeymoon… it’s post-wedding photography for 3 days followed by our honeymoon!
/sigh

Shucks… I’ve been whining that my other half keeps forgetting to renew his passport and I had to do it for him.
>_>

We’ll be flying to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia mid next month with my wedding planner (they’re a couple).
To buy and alter our 3 sets of wedding attire.
It’d be 2 ready-made Kebaya and 1 hand-made from scratch white wedding dress.
In fact, right after that, I’d be flying off to Thailand for a week for work.
Argh!
I’m going to be even more tired!

 

There have been a few problems (not really related to the wedding), but, our separate families.
In fact, we actually have a similar problem, in that scenario.
Nothing that we can do about though.
Someone told me that it is probably our fate that God wanted us to meet.
To be on the same page (have the same kind of problems) and be there for each other, understanding fully what the other is going through.
You know that feeling where you get a little annoyed when people say “I understand” and all you’d like to reply with is “no, you don’t” and turn away? although you never do so.
Well, if either of us say that, we’d know we do.. because of what’s been happening all these years.
Sometimes I wonder how he could be so patient with my impatient hot-headed demeanour.
Whilst I wonder how I could have been so patient with his annoying childish behaviour.
Oh yes.. and to.. well.. kind of like the same things.. like gaming, LFC and sports.

When I was young, I always asked myself and others, how would I know that my partner will be the right one… THE ONE?
If you put “being romantic” aside.
Sometimes, you think that the person is the one and it ends up in the dumps.
So.. no one really knows.
But, we go ahead with it.. make the most out of it.. work on it.

Although, someone did mention that it depends on how he treats his own mother.
Well, considering the complicated family life that he has, it’d be more of his grandmother, who is his legal guardian.
And I would say that he takes care of his grandparents as well as he possibly can.

Honestly, I’ve been afraid of getting married since that one ex.
(After 3 years did I know he cheated on me so many times (had 3-timed me once.. probably more..) and in the end impregnated one of those girls who cursed me to die, whom he married after I left him because of their baby born out of wed).
Come to think of it.. I find that funny now… I know.. naive young me.
It’s a good thing I found out in time.

There he was… the one who picked me up after I left that guy.. the one I’m going to marry… after 10 years.
He knows my story through thick and thin.
Sometimes, he tries to trick me into something and I’d be turning the situation and he’d say “you know me”.
>_> Whutttt?
How can I not? After all these years?
I’m the deep thinker who catches every detail of many things.
Has to be expected.

Plus… he’s the one always talking about having kids and how our kids will turn out to be or what they’ll choose to do.
-.-”
Although, I do not approve of some of his childish choices.
I know how it’d be.
Just like my own family.
My mum being the strict one while my dad is the lenient one.
He does remind me a bit like my dad… carefree, jokes a lot and doing his own thing.

 

3 months and I’d be moving out to live with him.

Ahh.. I’m reminded of the time when I was still in my early 20s.
With the family problems I was having and he was about to send me home.
I told him that I didn’t want to go home any more.
Crying and emotionally drained.
We talked it out and he told me to be patient.
That one day, everything will be in place, as it should.
So, I had to hold on.
The same goes with him.
Although, I’m quite horrible in consoling others. >_<

We had no one else to rely on except each other.
All through these years.
At an angle, it seems sad.. at another, it’s the sweetest thing one can ever taste.

I’m sorry for being such an idiot for asking to break up so many times when I’ve been sucked dry of my sanity, energy and emotions so many times (especially during my PMS).
I know you meant it every time you held strong for us.

Also, for loving my physical flaws, when people made fun of me (was bullied until I was in my late teens), you would randomly tell me how cute they are.
But, it does sound scary sometimes.

The best part is when we speak our own language.. in our own jargon.. and no one else understands why we laugh.
Not even our friends.

Come to think of it…
He’s my best friend, confidante, lover, boyfriend, gaming/sports partner-in-crime… soon to be husband.
Somehow, I don feel like saying like I used to, that, I don’t want to get married.
I do… to you.

 

 

❤ Icesabel

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