Daily Prompt: Tainted Love

Daily Prompt: Tainted Love.

Ever been dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend? Was it a total surprise, or something you saw coming? Tell us your best worst breakup story. Never been the dumpee, always the dumper? Relate the story of a friend who got unceremoniously kicked to the curb. Change the names to protect the innocent if you must.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us RELEASE.

~~~~~

I’d probably get cursed to death for writing this.
I’m the dumper, all the time.
But, before I get shot in the head, I’m going to tell you my side of the story.
You can shoot me later.
+_+

My first bf was when I was 15.
Being a tomboy and a geek for most of my teenage years, I was incredulously not cool, don’t know how to dress up or make up at all and whatnot.
But, I dated a few until I’m with my current other half.
Thus, although we’ve known each other for a decade, it was an on and off relationship.
Although, we were stuck like glue for the last 4 years without that “off” period before he decides to want to marry me.

Amongst them, only a few were truly good.
The rest were either always comparing me with some random gorgeous girl whom I can never be on par with, bringing me down until I had no self-confidence left in me, abuse or cheating on me.

Running away from a bad relationship is good.
But, what about the “good” ones?

I’ll place it in a list.
Each sentence is based on one different guy… so, none is based on the same person.

1. He was way younger than me that everyone was against it so much that it was hurting us both to the point that it would be way better to leave than to stay
2. We were too young to take it to any level at all
3. He didn’t fight for me to stay, let me go and let it be
4. I might be respectful towards anyone of a different religion or without, but, when it comes down to my own partner, I would like him to be a Muslim because I need him to lead the family, whether anyone else thinks otherwise. He chose to stay within his own beliefs and I respected that. I didn’t want to force him in any way, so, to be fair, I left.
5. He was there at the wrong time. I was still deeply in love and deeply hurt from a previous relationship and although he was caring, sweet and nice, how can you love someone new when you’re not even ready to let go of the past yet.

…..

Actually, why would anyone want to know my worst breakup story?

There are two.
But, I’ll just state out one of it.

Alright then.. where do I start?
He was my bf for 3 years and I thought we were going to get married at one point in time.
The only thing we had in common was the love of gaming.
But on the sideline, he loved to go clubbing every weekend.
Always going back late with his guy friends at 3-4 am as often as possible.
Sometimes, when some of his guy friends didn’t go clubbing with him, they’d game online with me at night.
In fact, he was the one who introduced me to anime.
Burned a lot of CDs of anime for me.
So, he did had an agenda to want me to be busy with watching anime whilst he had fun out there.
I have strict parents, so, I’d always be home by 10pm.
Whilst he had all the freedom in the world.
I didn’t know he was cheating on me until much later.
When he had to exchange his mobile phone with me because his batt was low and he wanted to be out ’til late.
I knew nuts on using his phone and well, I saw all the messages by mistake.
Wasn’t just one girl.
But, a whole lot of them.
Confronting him was like talking to the wall and kicking it, only to feel the pain on my own foot, with no reaction from the other side.
I left him, but, somehow, I was still in love with him.
Eventually, I went back to him.
Again, he had loads of stories to tell and I caught him again.
He was backstabbing his own friend by being with his friend’s gf.
Seriously, I was thinking of his friend instead of myself.
By some twist of fate, I found him cheating on me with another girl and this time…
This girl was cursing me online.
I found her blog, but, can’t recall how I found it though.
She was hoping that I would die so that she could have him.
Went on to talk as though I was the one stealing him away from her.
Yet, she just knew him.
All those years, he was possessive of me.
Didn’t allow me to have any contact with any guys or even anyone near me.
I think he was afraid of losing me.
From my own context, I was an extremely miss-goody-two-shoes back then.
I left and for a few days, he sent flowers to my house and waited under my apartment for hours after work, for me to forgive him.
It was hell for me to see him and yet, to fight the feeling of giving in again.
Can’t remember what was the last straw, but, after I left, I found out that he had impregnated that girl who cursed me online.
He married her straight away after that, but, I heard that she regretted being with him because she found out that he cheated on her with a lot of girls as well. >_>
But, they had a kid already anyway.
My current other half was the one who was there for me after I left that guy.
Knowing that, once, his group of friends and him beat up my other half once after he sent me home in the evening.
By some fate, we met twice outside.
He was with that girl and I was with my other half.
The first time before they got married, when he saw me, he dropped her hand when we passed each other, while they were still a distance away and initially holding hands.
I saw her look at him, disappointed.
But, twice when we came across each other, he spit on the floor and showed his fist at my other half.

…..

I didn’t have a phobia of being committed until much later on.
That bad relationship didn’t deter me in any way.
The second bad one stirred me bad, but, I don’t wish to say that one in the open.
One of the reasons I got into the last stage of depression (aka suicidal).

I was never afraid of loving even after all those episodes.
I can give love and be in love, but, I couldn’t be fully committed or give my all.
I have a phobia that my emotions might get the best of me if something bad happens.

When my other half asked if I wanted to get married, I was sceptical.
Thinking twice, thrice.. because all I can remember is that worst point of my life.
The lowest of my low.
The only answer in my head was “no” all the way.
Emotionally scarred for life.

He has a huge task of consistently needing to make me feel otherwise.

What I’ve always wanted since I was young was to be independent.
That is one thing that will always keep me going.
The men can leave.
But, I can support myself without one.
I can’t help being in love.
But, if the worst was to wipe me off the ground, I’d be ready.
I can pay my own bills well, have a career and in the future, with my own kids, no matter what.
I’m still surviving working in a man’s industry and territory.
In a way, it’s empowering.

Well, that’s my story.
Hmm.. at least, part of it.

❤ Icesabel

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One thought on “Daily Prompt: Tainted Love

  1. Hey Icesabel, How are you? I know its been a while I was away on hiatus due to exams. I hope you are doing great. Congrats on getting married by the way. Wish you love and prosperity for future 🙂

    And about the post, I think you are very right in thinking that your other half should be Muslim as well, Its another thing respecting other religions but in marriage one has to consider a lot of things.

    Much Love, Zee.

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