Daily Prompt: Naked with Black Socks

Daily Prompt: Naked with Black Socks.

Are you comfortable in front of people, or does the idea of public speaking make you want to hide in the bathroom? Why?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us PUBLIC.

~~~~~

My brain freezes when I’m to speak in front of a big group of people!

The weird portion of it is that I’ve been performing on stage since I was 7 all through until I was in my early 20s.
Fashion shows, dancing, playing in the band, singing, martial arts performance, etc.
All in front of huge group audiences, may it be the whole class, school or even for public events.

Nothing much happened when I started working.
But, after joining this current job, I’ve had to speak up and out, to lead the country offices of the Asia region.
Yet, I still freeze every single time.

How it is exactly right now?
The room goes silent.
I freeze for a while.
Then, I hear my own voice.
I speak, yet, I can’t comprehend a thing I’m saying.
It flows out as if I’m not me.
My body is moving slightly without my intervention.

I’m a person who has to think before I speak.
If my flow of thoughts is unable to flow naturally, I’d be dumbstruck.

Yet, I can still speak out in an auditorium filled with university students of 4 classes.

Although, I can speak without thinking when I allow my feelings to overshadow everything else.
That can only happen if it’s at the extreme.

Extreme anger, sadness, some sort along the line.
That’s when “someone” else speaks out.
The same effect as the fore.
But, this time, the brain works faster than my voice or feelings.
So, whatever that comes out of my mouth is something I’d probably wouldn’t have thought of when I’m on an everyday mode.
When it’s all said and done and I’m back to being me, I’d be wondering how’d I do that.
As much as I don’t want to praise her, she’s this intelligent and patient person.
Ah yes… patience, something I don’t have a hold of.
I have no idea how she can be that patient during those situations.

Being me, I’d sometimes become curious to why certain things occur.
The only conclusion I can come down to is the fact that I’m a perfectionist, even if I’ve been lying to myself that I’m over that.
Someone who is actually afraid of saying or doing the wrong things.
Someone who wants to make sure that everything is in order, step by step.
Someone who is in control of herself and her surroundings.

It’s not to say that I’m afraid to speak my mind.
My mind goes from point A to B to Z to see as many alternatives, cause and effect, conclusion and whatnot.
It might seem like a long process from how I explain it, but, it takes a really short time to do so.

Actually… I wouldn’t mind talking freely or as a team lead in front of 6-7 people.
Just groups bigger than that.
The weight starts to become a little too heavy for me to bear as the group size increases.

But, once I’m over that hurdle, get accustomed to the situation, I’d be back to my normal self.
How long it lasts depends on how quickly I adapt and get comfortable in my own skin.

It’s not the people who scare me.
It is of my own doing that causes this.
>_<

❤ Icesabel

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