Such busy days.

Be warned that this will be a long rant.
But, this is something that I would love to read back when I’m much older.


The half of last Friday was spent on a Management Course, a general one, organised for the whole of my office.
It was pretty useful, overall an engaging and upbeat workshop.
Right from the beginning, when we had to choose a quote from their array of displays, the last one that I read was the one that has been one of my philosophies in life.

Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
– Albert Schweitzer

We had to explain why we chose that particular one.
While others ponder, some taking their time, while others were quick to affirm on their decisions, I knew straight away that this was the closest to me.
I didn’t always know what I wanted.
As a kid (during my generation), I wasn’t cultivated in a school environment that taught me life and technical skills.
It was all regurgitation of theories and paper qualifications that, although, I love to study, I hate the system itself.

Before I move on, a few basics that someone needs to know about me is that.
I’m silent by nature.
Love my me-time a lot, because, I value reflecting and working on a huge array of matter (mental, spiritual, career, etc).
I love watching people and how the mind work, so, sometimes, I can predict a handful of characteristics of “strangers” (as long as I don’t really know them that well).
Very inquisitive as I’m someone who wants to know the reason behind equations/quote/story/theory/whatever else it may be.
Thus, reading becomes my second nature, but, when the technology world came, the word “books” and “radio” started to seep out of my dictionary.
But, technology will not eradicate what a physical/mental teacher can offer.
Don’t get me wrong here, it does not literally mean “a teacher”, but, s/he can be someone you meet along the way of your life and tell you her/his experience, or even learning via incidences of your own wrongdoing.
In short, I’ve been a deep-thinker since, well, I remember creating my own life theories since I was in kindergarten, at the age of 4 or 5.
Only because, I was bullied in school, I have a strict mum who reinstated a lot of rules and is very religious, I grew up with my grandparents because both my parents had to work hard, but, took the initiative to take us siblings out on weekends or whenever they could, well, the list goes on.

One thing I can conclude is that, knowing too much isn’t exactly the best thing in life.
Ignorance can be a bliss, at times.
Learning is a lifelong experience, so, there are an abundance of things I’ve yet to know and understand, but, as I age, I know that I have to let the answers come and should just go with the flow of the ups and downs of life.

Back to the first course.
It did teach me a few methods to deal with certain kinds of people and to improve on what I’ve already been doing.
My old posts contain me stating that I do not wish to be in a high management position.
Only because I don’t think I will be able to lead and that, well, in short, I still want someone else to take responsibility of certain issues.
But, as of the past few months, things have been different.
I’ve been engaging a lot with all the managers (of my line) from all the (16) countries in Asia because, for one, they needed someone to take charge of a couple of problems and another, my boss went on a (really) long holiday and retreat, so I took precedence of his responsibilities.
I’m quite dominant and firm when I want to, shown really well during the case studies and tests that we did during the course.
Some were surprised that I was more dominant than the highest ranked director.
Well, as I’ve blogged before, I know that I’ll fight just like my ex-boss who fought for his department because we were not given enough accolades for our work and I’m afraid that some day, I would also  follow his footsteps and step out after I’ve done my deed for my second family (all the country IT managers).
But, after the weekend course (I’ll talk about it in a while), I’m pretty ready to step out of my comfort zone.
Although, I’m known to be quiet, at work, most people already know how I speak out to anyone, from the lowest to the highest post, whether because of something good or bad (to rectify it).
A rebellious fire-starter and that is also another reason why I did not believe that I want to be anywhere higher, I’m not well composed or patient enough to be one.
I’m still an impatient idiot.

Yet, because of the more constant and closer communication with the guys and one lady, yeah.. there’s only 2 of us ladies in the whole of the IT team (all across the board) in all the Asia countries.
lol.. probably because I hate talking so seriously and talk to everyone and anyone as though we’re on par, there is no boss-subordinates kind of talk between me and anyone.
If anyone tries to step out of that boundary and think highly of him/herself (thank God none of them are from my line), they’d probably see me distancing myself away until they realise why, on their own, at their own pace.
They started to open up to me randomly.
Languages, culture, religion, looks, tradition and whatnot aren’t a barrier.
All of us speak a common language and this lies in a handful of similarities in what we aim to achieve and love.
Without asking why, they explained in their own words and terms.
Even the manager from Afghanistan who, in my opinion, is the toughest to understand, we call him “the general”.
As a man of his own right, to set aside his ego, to say it in front of everyone of my actions.
I respect each and every one of them for being able to handle such huge tasks and responsibilities, all of which are way more patient, experienced and most of all, humble than I am.
In Islam, we say, Alhamdullilah, which means, praise to God, as a symbol of thanks.
I could not ask for more.

When I first wanted to enter this field of IT, I was being criticised by different groups of people because I graduated with a degree of finance.
In a lot of interviews, a few asked me to give up and just go with the flow of my paper qualifications.
I was still meek and was afraid to speak up back then, but, didn’t deter me from going for what I wanted.
In my point of view, some of them were cursing me that I will suffer and live horribly with my “wrong” choice.
So, I did it from the bottom, which was fine with me since I was starting out like any other graduate.
Except that, I got the slash from a lot of people by their perception of what defines my “success” in life.

Who is anyone to say what success means for another person?
Sure, a lot would mean in monetary terms.
But, there are other factors.
Mine is satisfaction.


As I went on, there was someone who tried to destroy, not only my (just starting) career, but, life as well.
Openly I shall say that, as a girl, some people might think that by going up to the top, you’d need to do degrading things.
I was accused of how quick I got up and the rewards and compliments I constantly receive from the different companies (I was job hopping for years) and bosses.
Not a light matter to just shove it off.
Of the things that I did, I had to work not only doubly hard (because I was already still being criticised to leave this field), but triple hard just to prove that it has nothing to do with anything else, but, my own sincere and honest work.

As I was searching for the answer to a particular question pertaining to this, I got my answer from my weekend course.
That by default, everyone do have their own blessing, potential, talent and it is up to them to find it out and cultivate it to reach its highest peak.
Sure, I was speculating something of that sort when I was 15 or so.
But, I had no concrete explanation over a random theory that came to my head, that, although, I might believe in it, its stand might be altered as I find out about the truth.
Because of that speculated belief…
Oh wait… I’ve forgotten to mention that my spiritual self is placed higher than other things.
I prayed and asked God what was that blessed thingy of mine and just lead me there to start my career path.
Well, hummm.. you know… some things can’t be explained, but, it just happened.
I just knew that this was what I had to go to.
If only I had done so before I took my degree, but, it’s over and done with.

If you are doing that specified blessing, even if you put a little effort, you’d still gain way more than others who have worked way harder than you.
I’m in no way saying that I’m well paid.
Just saying that countless times, I just obtain answers out of nowhere for my line of work.
It’s pretty contradictory that I want to know the answers to questions, yet, will still believe spiritually (in my religion) of things that just happen.
But, it’s a give and take thing.
Yet, I did learn that so far, the answers will come naturally, it only depends on when, sometimes, it might come years later.
Then, I’d look back and is able to piece it all together happily.

I didn’t say that I didn’t place an ounce of effort.
Yes, I did work hard, but, there are some things that I did not learn, but, came naturally as though I knew that all along.
But, pondering back, I have no clue or memories of learning so.

Ok.. some people might try to find a reason to that, but, I’m happy with what I already have.
Don’t need to crack my head over trivial stuff.
You’re not supposed to know certain information to why, unless God wants you to.


Oh yes, there was one more thing I was afraid of if I were to be in higher management.
I was afraid that it would go to my head.
Knowing myself too well.
That although I’m always siding the lower end for years, that I’d forget my roots.
That I would lose sight of my real passion.
That in my belief, management is all about talking and that I would be giving up my ground-level technical abilities.

All because I’ve been looking at the negative ends.
Contrary to that, I’ve had really awesome bosses since I joined the working world.
Except one, but, I would still appreciate him for giving me the chance to prove that I could do it whilst everyone else was flicking me off.
They were all nice, sweet, hard-working, honest people.
Most were respected a lot, especially the one who passed away and I promised (by my own) to take care of the company until everything was stable and I could wash my hands off to the next person.
I believe that if a person is loved and respected, everything will be handled just as well by those around them.
Because of the atmosphere, environment and attitude that lingers around.
My second fave would be my last ex-boss who left the current place I’m in.
One of those humble people who are in such a high director post, who would listen to everyone and anyone.
While I was fighting to speak up on behalf of the lower end, when he asked all of us to chip in what to bring forward to the “ones who have the ka-ching”.
He taught me a lot of things indirectly and well, I see myself as a (extreme) mini version of him.
Except that he is way more composed because of the amount of experience he has in his grasp.
Let’s just say that we have similar visions and attitude on handling matters.
I heard that some of the higher ones find him too assertive/threatened to the point that he’s way better in many aspects as a leader than them.
None of us know the real reason why he left, but, he was in a way higher post somewhere else after he left.
I told him the same thing he told me.
Don’t change (the good qualities).
We respect and love him for those (certain) reasons, of course I explained what those are.

I was stunned and cried for a week for my first fave who passed away.
I am still not over the fact that no one has been able to be the kind of boss my ex-boss was at this moment.


After the Friday and weekend course, my perspective about a few things changed.
One huge point was my habit of not seeing the positive side, REALLY see it.
I’m going to do some planning and change my path.
Refreshing on what I used to plan.
A good time too, because in more than a week, I’ll be reaching the big three zero.

Spiritual, family (wedding, house, then kids), mental, career, social, money and last, physical planning.
It ain’t gonna be easy, but, I… hold on.. my partner and I will work something out.


It’s already late right now, so, I’ll talk about the weekend course another day.


❤ Icesabel


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