Please refrain from reading this if you get confused easily.
Just here to say things out… nothing more.
I’ve spent years trying to understand why there has always been a waging war in my head.
Then, came the event of having to force myself to expunge a big handful of traits, memories and strengths as well as weaknesses.
Maybe because I’ve been thinking a lot since I could start thinking at a young age.
It is not something of a choice.
If I did have a choice, I would’ve chosen the path of where normality would bring me forth to.
I’d prefer peace, simplicity and being plain carefree.
But, if you look at it at an angle, most people wouldn’t even appreciate the good of those without going through the hardships.
Those who say that life is simple and it’s only humans who make it complicated…
The joys of not going through certain incidences whereby those experiences are out of your control.
If I could, I would’ve wanted that simple life as well.
If it was a forget it and move on situation, I’ll gladly do so even if it has been tough on me.
It definitely isn’t easy to live with the noises up there.
When I talk to (random) people and understanding how different they live their lives to be, sometimes, I wish they could be thankful for not having to carry such a burden.
Yet, all I always do to not make others worry is not having to burden them with what I have.
As in, my family and friends.
Thus, they forget I ever had a livelong problem to begin with.
I don’t know whether that stemmed my love for being alone or to enjoy my me-time for long periods at a time.
It’s not that I don’t like the company of others or think I’m any bigger than anyone.
It becomes a second nature to me to be happy by doing so.
I do notice and know a lot of people who know me, even so, say or show it indirectly, that I’m always quiet and broody.
Fortunately, I’ve learned to not care whether I’m being perceived as negative.
Simply put, if you don’t like me, I wouldn’t mind if I never knew you either.
Just because I have a lot of things on my mind and I don’t need some random unimportant issue to be added to the list.
To me, people can do what they want as long as they don’t bother me.
I won’t bother you either.
But, that does not mean that I won’t go all out to be of help if I am capable of it.
There are a lot of things that are not mentioned except to those who are extremely close to me.
Even so, those who know what’s going on say that I have a weak soul.
Maybe I do.
But, never did I ask whether they would have had got the same strength to go through and move on like what I did.
Just because I hold negative vibes within, does not mean I want others to have it as well.
I do not wish to say what those issues are anyway.
Sometimes, being ignorant can be a bliss.
I am not confused.
Just a little sad.
I don’t want pity.
It doesn’t matter if no one understands, it’s not meant to.
Just wanted to vent out the noises in my head.
If you’ve never dealt with something like this, please, do count your blessings.
There are two things that I will always tell others.
- Be yourself and be proud of it
- Smile always
In this case, number two stands out a lot more.