Tick.. tick..

When so many things are going on, time seem to go by really quickly.
It feels like I’m running after the hands of time, trying to meet up with the expectations of others and even myself.

I think I need to stop and step back.
Take a breath and relax before I start the overworked engine of my mind again.
These kind of situations when I wish I could just run away from reality.
It always happens this way.
Everything will drop on my shoulders all at once.
It works in a bulk.
And a heavy one, it is.
Always.

I think that I’ve let down a few people in the midst of the bustling.
But, I’m so drained out to want to do anything.

One of the things that I hate most is people expecting so much from me.
Even those who are close to me.
Just because they know my so-called strengths, that they’ve thought of themselves, that doesn’t mean that I’d acknowledge it.
I would say and admit if I can’t or won’t do it.
You’d probably know what comes next.
The natural reaction of most people.

It’s not me who created that level of where I should be.
How many times would I just either keep my mouth shut and pretend I know nuts about this and that.
That I would cut in and say no.. don’t call me by names or explain to me that I’m good in so and so…
Even worse, telling people who are joining in the circle and placing me in a level that I don’t even want to be at.
‘Cause I know the repercussions of doing so.
Sure, I was way more hyper back then and wouldn’t mind it all.
But, I think I’ve toned down simply because I enjoy the serenity of nothingness once in a while.
I do get bored easily, but, it does not mean that I want to meet the expectations of what anyone has placed on me.
Sometimes, I just want to… not speak at all.

The funny thing about this is that they know that I enjoy my me-time a lot, on personal terms or professionally.
I have a preference tendency towards people leaving me alone to do my thing and if something needs to be done, it’ll be done in my own time.
But, they’d still do it.
In return, I’d just be on a quiet mode when I don’t want to create any atmosphere around myself, whether they like it or not.
Unfortunately, not everyone likes that or seems to expect more from me.

/shrugs
I’m tired.

❤ Icesabel

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