A Little Push

Sometimes, all I need is a little push.

I have never seen my ex-boss so enthusiastic and totally immersed on something.
He’s dedicated to his work, but, well, I have no idea how to put this in words.

Anyway, if not for this one problem that’s eating my brains out, I don’t think I’d be wanting to step out the door.


At lunch break.
One of the country directors was having a conversation on his mobile in his language while we, ladies were having our lunch at the pantry.
After he left, one of the regional directors’ secretary only said “those people are really making trouble”.
Not sure what the story was about, but, it just hit me there and then.
How heavy a responsibility they’re holding and have to deal with so much nonsense.

Me… on the other hand… don’t even want to be a manager because I don’t want to hold accountable for a lot of huge issues.
Irresponsible? No.
Just don’t want to carry more than I can.

Yet, it made me feel otherwise.
Actually, lately, I have been feeling like so.
That I wish I could wash my hands clean and just “run away”.
Frustrated and immersed in too much pressure that I was afraid that my health would deteriorate.
But, yesterday, one of the regional directors asked me if I was going to get that problem fixed.
Everyone’s patience is weaning thin.
I’ve told them to tell me straight to my face if anyone were to feel disgruntled with the problem.
That’s just me.. I’m blunt and I’d rather people be straight forward with me when I’m dealing with these things.

But I nearly cried after one of my colleagues explained on that problem and then said, this is tough… but it must’ve been tougher on you.
It’s one of those moments where… if you didn’t mention anything about being strong, I wouldn’t have noticed how much I’ve been holding in.

It’s not a people’s problem, it’s a technical problem.
And I’ve been trying to fix that alone for the past months.
Not that I didn’t want anyone to help… in fact, I did.
But, no one really could or wanted to.

Now that a number of people are backing me up, I realized it was something I was undertaking that was of a bigger scale…
Compared to all those issues I’ve ever handled alone all these years.




My ex-boss has spoken to my current boss about my “old” job scope.
Ex-boss needs me to be in L2 and together with the regional IT team and current boss needs me to be part of his team.
Even if the HQ decides to budget and invest in my scope, I can only spare a quarter of my time on either of their team.
It was already a nightmare last year when I needed to accommodate both.
They really have to hire another person if they need both sides to be done.
It’s not that I don’t want to take the jobs up, but, I was cut short of time on spending time between my daily work and the so-called quarter of that time.
I think it’s pretty fair to give them an early warning, in case either one has bigger plans in the future.
Maybe I should also give my current boss a chance and see what I can do for his team.
It’s a different scope altogether.. not entirely IT related, to be honest.

Oh yes.. regarding the Emergency Response IT training.
Apparently, 3 of the 25 participants chosen are from my organisation.
The other two are IT peeps from our Pakistan and Philippines office.
I’m getting the chills.
This is going to be a network-infused boot camp.
Hope I’m not the only lady participating… but, from the images from their website, there aren’t any women taking part.
1. It’s uber technical. Most women in IT are more to software/programming.
2. It’s Emergency Response. That small number from “number one” has just been cut down… close to nano.
Hmmm… I just don’t want to feel awkward.
Wait a minute.. what is wrong with me?
I’ve been working with guys for a long time… why am I starting to feel inferior in being a woman anyway?
Alright… I can do this.

You know what?
I might’ve just stepped out of my “safe-zone”.
Making me want to let go.. of a couple of things.
If this was the challenge that I’ve been craving for a long time, then, I shouldn’t be giving up an opportunity just because I feel that I might’ve stepped out of my so-called boundary.
Now, all I need is more strength to push me on to get everything working as they should.

I have to thank God for having him backing me up and being there for me.



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