On Rage Mode

I am on rage mode right now!
;…;
RAWR!!!!

I had another talk with my boss and I think that this will not go the way I’d want it to be.
It isn’t his fault it’ll be like this.
He does need me to work more with his team since I’m working directly under him instead of the global IT team now.
Which isn’t exactly IT related.
The upcoming ERT training is not confirmed although I’ve got the green light to go.
They’d only choose 25 people to attend, thus, I’m not sure how they’d ballot out those who’ve applied.
Feels like absconding the part that I love the most, on both portions.

Plus, there’s so much pressure on me due to some problems right now.
No amount of money will make me happy if this scope of work is not going where I’d like it to be.
I was pretty stressed over the current issues yesterday that it felt like having depression all over again for a while.
I’d feel guilty for attending – that is, if I do get selected – the training and if later on find out that this is really going the opposite way.

I may not know what I really want to do.
But I do know what I don’t want to.
And somehow, I tend to prioritise happiness and well-being over any thing else.

I’m not angry though.
Not blaming anyone.
Just feeling upset and a little lost.

I always say that a job is like being in a love relationship.
You can be in love with your job but the circumstances does not permit you to stay.
You can hate doing your work but you have to stay due to needful issues. (eg. stay for the kids)
There is young love, where you fell in love with your work for a while then get sick of it.
Then there is matured love, where you’re doing what you’ve always wanted to, all your life. (aka your dream career of any sort)

Maybe I don’t even need to wait until March.
I don’t know.
But, I know that things aren’t right at this moment.
Need to re-assess this again.
/sigh

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2 thoughts on “On Rage Mode

  1. People close to you will probably tell you to stay strong, that it’s going to be okay, and its gonna be fine. It may not be any of my business but I’m going to assume you’ve heard it all and tell you that if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. I’ve had to endure the consequences of ignoring what I know and feel was wrong many times before I finally started listening to myself. It was the best decision I made so far since I started listening. I hope I helped a little 🙂

    • 🙂

      Actually, I have been listening to myself since I took a few wrong choices because it was always about others’ opinion and not mine, years back. I was just disappointed in the outcome in this situation, but, I’ve been making backup plans for it as I was expecting for the worse. Still, it was pretty sad nontheless. Although anyone would know when a big debacle occurs ’cause that’s when you don’t see me blog for days.

      Thank you, appreciate the thought. ^_^ Have a good week ahead!

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