Trance

Weird.
How fast my mood can swing from one direction to another.
Because one just doesn’t want me to stay happy.
I’m being questioned by myself on whether making certain choices is the right thing.

 

 

 

At times, when I do get pretty depressed.
I’d rummage through my trance music.
Indulging in it on full blast with a headphone.

I remember being in one of my lowest point in my life.
Just to keep me from drowning into my negative feelings.
There is religion.
There is family.
And then, there is trance music.

I used to hate trance before that transition.
Did like techno, but, I couldn’t understand no vocals in a repetitive electronically made sounds.
Just like its name, it places you into a trance.
Without any physical change into consuming or doing anything unethical or that you would regret later on.

During those turbulence times, I kept running…
Literally running by the beach, nearly every day, with tears in my eyes and listening to trance on full blast.
Letting go of my anger, letting go of my sadness, letting go for what I couldn’t forgive myself and others.
Letting everything go just to slip away from the last stage of depression.

I still get upset easily.
/shrugs
Maybe there’s still a war waging up there, but, then again, it doesn’t always happen.
I’m still as human as any human should be.
This is my flaw.
One of many.

Hopefully, I’ll stay as strong as long as I can.

 

 

I’ll end with this poem I created some time back.

 

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