How I learned

Was I being so deprived of being happy that when I’m happy, it feels as though something is wrong?



Hmmm.. I guess I’ve forgotten that I was pretty depressed a week ago.
Even with so much work… actually, a bit more than I can handle…
I was still pretty cheery.
Ok… my voice sounded tired today because it’s the first day of my period
And I’m one of those unlucky girls who get horrible cramps on the first few days!
Anyway, it’s fine now.

I was thinking of asking my boss if we can hire a IT jr to help me with simple stuff, so I won’t be so overloaded.
But, if we did, when I don’t have projects loaded on my back, I’d be as free as a bird and get super bored and agitated.
Really agitated.
So… maybe not.
Not yet.
Not until they hire another couple more staff in… I guess.

One of my ex-bosses was pretty nice and surprised me with filling in some of my IT skills into my online “resume”.
Not that I update it at all.
In fact, I didn’t even bother to mention anything I ever did for the past years or even in this organisation.
But.. still.. it was a nice gesture.

If he had an opening for something more fascinating… that’d catch my fancy… I might consider again.
It wasn’t that boring when I was working under him.
Was his first employee when they opened their first extended branch.
Their HQ was in London.
Sure… I was looking for a new job back then, but, I didn’t really know who he was or that his dad was planning to open a branch here.
I was with a UK Marine company before I joined his Outsourced IT company.
Weird enough, my bosses there recommended me to him.
I think it was more to… them telling him how I’ve worked for them.
They knew I was joining him.
I found someone awesome enough to take over me before I left though.

Just like those bosses, he, too, allowed me to play in my playground.
Offered to get me Microsoft and Cisco certs, but I left before I took any of the examinations.
He practically bought routers, servers, software licenses and whatnot and each week, I had tasks to set up everything from scratch.
Whilst doing so, I was sent out to client offices to set things up alone.
It were OMG moments~
It was from there, did I learn more about virtualisation.
Oh yes… my hated subject too… networking.
What took me hours to do was just minutes of work for him.
I envied him, although, he too, was learning some of the newer technology.



My basics was learned just 2 years before that.
Their IT infrastructure was in a sorry state and my ex-boss then, left me to handle everything by myself.
Plus, I’m sorry to say, back then, they were pretty stingy when it came down to IT stuff.
Truthfully, there were NIGHTS when I cried in the server room, wondering how to fix certain issues.
There was no backup whatsoever… neither people nor other kinds of support.
Most, if not all of their licenses/support/warranties were ending or has ended.
I did think about it a little but never really wondered why my ex-boss did nothing to have things resolved and then set up preventive measures.
There were days when I would run to the toilet and cry in the DAY time because I was not used to people clawing my back because of IT problems.

Day after day… I wondered why I kept going although half of me was crying all the time.
Somehow, after crying for some time, I’d stop and feel as though I had the answers at the top of my head.
I’m not lying.
It all came naturally, as if I’ve known it all along but was too busy allowing my emotions to rule over me.
That was when I learned the technique of taking things one step at a time..
Troubleshooting from scratch..
Like a boss?
Nah… I don’t think I’m there yet.
Not even near to that.
I’ve seen awesome geniuses at work.
I’ll tell you about one later.

But when you’re thrown on a deserted island.
You either pathetically die or survive and learn in the quickest way possible.
It’s the best way to grasp and remember concepts.
Burn and learn.
It hurts.
But that hurt will burn in your head forever.

It won’t work for everyone and it might not suit other people’s taste.
But it works for me and I find it intriguingly fun.
Piques my interest.

Before I finally felt like giving up hope and moving on, because my ex-boss was trying to strangle me problems…
Oh yes.. forgot to mention that I was in an outsourced IT company stationed to that “poor” company…
I was offered a spot for the company instead of working for my ex-boss.
They promised that he wouldn’t have anything to do with me.
Although, because of some matters that needed me to still communicate with him, I still did.
But he didn’t want to have anything to do with me and never did reply me since after I quit.
In some ways, was a little bad, because, it means I had to dig up a lot of information about every equipment and licenses that I doubt was ever kept track of for a long time.

I still cried when I felt weak.
Although one problem was resolved, I was left all alone to weather the storms.
Then came the typhoon.
One fine weekend, one of the directors called me to inform that one of my bosses had passed away.
He wasn’t around often as he was often out on jobs.
But, he was the only tech savvy person in the company and I loved to confide in him or we’d share IT info and stuff whenever he’s in.
When I had trouble with some of the users, he’d help to talk to them.
Everyone loved him… respected him.
I respected him the most.
I actually became depressed for a week and couldn’t do anything when I found out the news.
For a whole week, I saw black moths flying around me.. which I have no idea whether it was coincidental or there for some reason.
But, it was how much he cared about those who was with him, whether colleagues or family, that made people want to do the same for him.
I promised I’d be there for the company until everything is PERFECT.
Perfect was never in my dictionary back then though… so it was more of the right feeling that that moment is the right moment.

It took months after that to get everything in order.
That was when I learned more than just troubleshooting, but, from logistics to sdlc through to change the whole infrastructure.
I cried for the final time when I knew everything was finally “perfect” and I could finally go ahead and do what I wanted after that.
Because… I got bored after that.
My job became repetitive on only troubleshooting daily laptop issues that are more of user’s problems rather than anything else.
I got so bored to the point I became depressed over not being able to do something meaningful and worth my time.
Kept craving to improve my skills as if I had no time left.
It felt like I was growing old too quickly, so, I had to quickly move on and do the other stuff that I wanted to do.
Yes.. that was how it felt like!



Everytime I hear this song, all I can remember is all those people who believed in me even how small that amount is.
But the one it reminded me the most was the one who has RIP.
Never fails to amaze me that there’d always be a teardrop whenever I hear this song.
Hats off to them.

Hats off to everyone else with big hearts whether they chose to teach, give a chance, believe, entrust faith, mentor…
Most of the time, they don’t know how much it means to give so much even without them knowing that they’re doing it.

Since I’d probably voice out, compared to the meek me 2 years ago, they will all know eventually.

Life wasn’t all “rosy” between me and “mentors”.
I’ve met ex-bosses who were willing to help BUT because I had a degree in finance, believed that I’d FAIL in the IT industry.
Yes, fail.
There were so many people, even interviewers who said that in my face.
They told me to go into finance where money was abundant.
When I told them I had my heart on this.. most of the time, I get laughed at.
I would always be upset.. that bit into me.. little by little.
Yet, I didn’t give up.
I still strive to do what I thought was my passion.
That anger turned into something that wanted me to prove them all wrong.



Back to the earlier story.
There were a handful of people who were jealous of me whilst I was there.
Spies of my ex-boss who I quit working from and spread untrue ugly rumours about me.

But, what keeps me afloat is the fact that…
Whatever people think of me is what they want to believe is true.
If the important people, those I care about and I myself know the truth, that’s enough for me.

I can easily prove to them that my skills are based on real honest skills and nothing to do with anything else.

Just because I’m a girl.
People think they can muck things up and bully me.

Sure, during the early years, I was quiet and weak.
That’s only because I was new in the industry and I didn’t know how to handle people problems.
That’s partly the reason why I’m pretty hard-headed and vocal now…
Which I think will get me in huge trouble some day.
Sure, I get tired and weak, then, cry my heart out by myself…
But, on the outside, people see me as someone firm in making choices and fierce.



Everything is by hard work.
Everything is from scratch.

I don’t give a damn whether you’re a girl or you’re a guy.
You just have to remember that “it’s all the mind”.
If you think you can do it, you will be able to do it, no matter how tough it is.

If others try to undermine your skills, prove to them.
If they don’t bother to give you a try and see you do it, they’re not worth your time in the first place.
Some day, you will surpass the skills of those who are proud and think the world of themselves.
Because there’s a huge possibility that they will not bother to level up as much as you allowing your fire to burn stronger within you in order to level up!

Skills can be learned.
But you need the right attitude to get on with it.

Ok.. some people are born lucky to get everything without skills and brains… but that’s another story.



Ah.. yes…
I wanted to speak about one of the geniuses at work.
He too told one of my ex-bosses to hire me.
But, let me tell you a little about him.
He’s a well-rounder, although he’s on top of the world as a Citrix certified architect and engineer.
He looks like one of my ex-bf (who was an American) except that he’s British. =X
I was in a huge pinch once when there was a company-wide virus invasion and I couldn’t nail it all down.
Remotely, he assisted me to break it all down and clear everything up in 2 days.
As neither of us work after office hours (UK time), while I’m in Singapore,
So, I spent a couple of hours a day to get some things done each of those days.
I did stay back a while.
Of course, I thought he was my saviour at that time.
He’s a genius because, one, it took him a short time to get it done…
Two, he was able to give me precise instructions remotely.
At times, he’d randomly give me pointers on stuff I didn’t know about.
Maybe he doesn’t seem to sound like a genius by the way I described it.
But, he is.

Pew pew pew~



Anyway, yeah… that’s how I learned.
Some day, I’ll have my own group of juniors and teach them what I know as well.
They’ll probably be more intelligent than me and geniuses in their own right.
But, I’ll make sure that I’ll give them a push and that they’ll never dim that passionate fire within them.

I’ll tell you one more thing.
Although, that ex-boss who gave me problems was bringing me down.
He was the one who took a chance to bring me into the pure IT world.
Before that, the IT work I did was only probably, at the most, 50% of my job scope.
And my skills was near to nothing.
So, although he was evil in many ways, I will not forget and appreciate the fact that he gave this noob a chance.
I had nothing but passion.

So, always remember that even how awful a person is towards you…
You will learn a thing or two from them, even if it’s indirectly, or in my case, given a chance.




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