Worse with each day

More problems are piling up. Wow… what is wrong with my life?

I can’t take another heartbreak.. not after losing one of my beloved cats. My kitten has a health problem and still in hospital.

Also… the bills… sigh.

2 good people are leaving the office. I’m already on the verge of giving up in finding someone new… tired of going through interviews. Another who’s an awesome boss. Argh… I might just throw a fit if they think they can easily give me the job of 3 people. I’m already juggling between 2 jobs until the next person takes over my old job.

A personal problem that I can’t disclose here.

Trying to keep my chin up, but, this is really dragging me down. Especially with my kitties. At this point, Part of me is stoning… somewhat feeling like “ahh.. crap.. to hell with everything”… probably my self-defence mechanism kicked up.

</3 Icesabel

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:’(

Of all the problems that had occurred for the past years, I was able to keep my cool. Not since yesterday, that I’ve felt depressed.

One of my cats passed on. Love her so much! The emptiness that I’m feeling is just excruciating. I can barely cry. It’s too painful to cry.

It… just… hurts… 😦

Why was she taken away from me? Why… She would sleep with me… chill with me when I gamed… lie down beside or on my lap when I prayed… waited for me every evening at the door when I came home… she made me smile when I cried and when I went through tough times… sometimes, she would fart at me silently (awfully smelly) and act as though nothing happened… she’s one of my beautiful angels on Earth. She hates to be hugged, but, loves to stay close and follow me around. Knocks on the bathroom door and would come in to walk around when I went to the toilet or go for a shower. Loves her cat treats and always the first to come when it comes to eating. Bubbly girl. Somehow, she’s always taking care of me.

God loves you more than I do… 😥

If I could turn back time, I’d save you. I wish I had woke up earlier in the morning. I don’t even know if you understand when I tell you I love you, every single day, without fail.

I miss you, bubue… my beloved Inoue. I’m sorry if I wasn’t a better mom. 😦

</3 Icesabel

Different

I’ve realised a few changes in myself.

For one, when someone starts to gossip about someone else, a lot of times, I’d turn a deaf ear. If there are others around and I really can’t wiggle my way out, I’d make myself busy with my phone or even change the subject. But since others are talking amongst each other, they’d change the topic back to its original one, anyway.

Somehow, I’d prefer to steer away and be ignorant of these “news”. It just feels like it would piss me off one way or another.

I’m not sure if anyone during the conversation would even noticed it. Most of the time, they’d continue, whether I’m mentally present or not. After all, I’m known for being the quiet one around most people. In my pov, if you’re blasting someone, then your character is no better from the ones they’re talking about.

If someone is upset about others, then I’d most probably state the truth without frills. Hoping the topic would get out of my face.

I think that it’s fine to pour out your feelings and state what you think, but, there’s no need to speculate about others or drag the topic on for too long.

We try to find a solution and/or move on.

Maybe…. as I grow older…
I get exhausted over so much bullshit. It’s not that I only want to hear fairy tales of beautiful endings and only of perfect people. Just that… if it bothers you, go ahead… but, let’s drill this down to the root of the cause and we’ll go with that plan that has been devised.

Yeah.. go ahead and scream and get pissed. Let it all out. But, after a good half hour, make sure that you’re looking forward to do what you need to.

A lot of people of this spectrum tend to avoid people because they’re tired of the bullshit. It depends, for me. I’d still be around if they’re my closer groups of friends, but, don’t get emotional if I start ignoring a lot of things that you’ve said.

Weird me. ;…;

 

❤ Icesabel

White Noises

Viable

My feelings of being very excited and scared, at the same time.
It has quieten down.
But at one point in time, a lot of memories flashed back all at once.

My head started to playback to the date of a decade back.
Except for those who have been by my side the past few years…
The rest who had become my ashes, as I’ve used their hurtful words as my fuel to move headstrong ahead.
Them… turning my spark to become a beautiful and warm fire.

Thank you for not hiring me.
The ones who shot me down… the companies whom I used to look up to.
You see…
If I was, things would’ve been so different and I actually love this path.

Thank you for telling me that I should not go for my dreams.
Because I had so-and-so qualifications.
I should concentrate on saving up all the money instead of heading out to the unknown and living my passion.
You see…
Whilst I see a lot of people working like a zombie and hating their job or the people around them, I enjoyed every moment of my work and I have never met such wonderful individuals and teams.
It’s true.

Thank you for mentioning that I should walk away because I have zero experience.
You have heard so much lies from so many, that you refuse to believe what I’ve said.
I feel you… to a certain point.
You see…
From then on, I have been so lucky for having so many people placing their trust on me.
Maybe it’s luck… maybe… it’s because I was and still am telling the truth.

I hope some day, you will not learn not to turn down that hard working young chap.
That you did not snigger at the one who had dreams.
That you will not spread lies about the one you’ll work with.
That you will not step or destroy others in order to move somewhere.

Never say or feel jealous of that person when the time comes for you to look at yourself in the mirror.
Because you did onto yourself, based on your choices.

But…
On the other side…
The imperfect human “angels”…

Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for trusting me.
Thank you for being my friend, caring and loving me.
Thank you for being more than just someone across the room or world.

The same way that I’ve always prayed for those whom I love.
Know that I’ll remember you when I pray.
You have taught me so much.

Results can be viable.
You’ll just have to fail so many times in order to be successful/learn (in any terms).

 

❤ Icesabel

“It’s everything you ever want, it’s everything you’ll ever need and it’s here right in front of you. This is where you wanna be.”

LOVE this move!
The Greatest Showman.

Embodies empowerment, humanity, diversity, love, strength, family… and more.

My sis is going through some crap… pretty similar to mine when I was younger.
I hope she trusts me when I said…
Do not be afraid of changing courses.
There is no “too late” or we’re “too old”.
Do not mind what anyone says, keep to what you plan and choose to do.
Let others do their own thing – if they choose to bring others down to bring themselves up, it will backfire someday (karma)… we do not need to deal with them and we do not need to stoop to their level.
We do not need to backbite or do onto others, others will eventually see the truth.
Those who do wrong will come to light… just watch.
Don’t worry.
Worrying will not help move us forward.
If we work hard on our own terms, things will see through.

I’m scared, myself.
Of the upcoming changes.
But, I’ll trust myself as I have for the last decade.

 

Happy New Year, everyone!
May God bless you and your family!
Have a good year ahead!

 

❤ Icesabel

Cheers to 2017~

Hi bloggie…

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged.
Since it’s my birthday…
It’s time to do a little quick update.

As usual, life has its ups and downs.
Just thankful for still having an awesome family and group of friends.
Thankful for my hubby, my kitties and rabbit.
The older I get, the more appreciative I am of simpler things.
Way more than I used to.
Work has its ups and downs, too.
Thank God for the new job position that I’ve accepted!
Excited for 2018!
There were quite a handful of tough times this year, but, I’ve ploughed through.
Yes… I’m still gaming, but, have cut down to MU Legend, only.
But, I’ll probably slow down even further next year, since I’ll prefer to prioritise work and I’ll be working with guys from the other time zones, more often.
I’ve been running more.. scooting.. living life as it should.. this year.

But hopefully, 2018 will be even more awesome!
God bless~
isabel-scoot

 

❤ Icesabel