Silver Lining

Just felt that I needed to mention this before my lousy memory decides to erase most of it. (Don’t mind the mess of my writing… Not been having enough sleep for the past week due to the jet lag. Heh…). Waiting to board the plane for the long 16 hours flight. 

I hired a car from the apartment I was at, to the airport. He was from Turkey, but, has been living in London for the past 20 years. His family dropped him off at a shelter when he was just 2 months’ old and was only adopted at the age of 19, by a British family and moved to London. He said that the organisation I’m currently working in had been the one who gave him education, food and other necessities to go by before he was adopted. Because of this, he decided to give back by donating part of his salary every month to the charity. I was trying to change the mood into something more positive by asking about his children. Knowing that he’d probably would be giving his sons the best due to him going through his rough childhood. As, he was becoming sad, saying that the shelter didn’t want to disclose information about his birth family to him, as he repeated said that all he wanted was to ask them why they left him and that would suffice. Nothing much that I said could alleviate the conversation until I spoke about his children. The 2 eldest sons are in university and taking up Law. The third is in secondary school. Driving, as a second job, so as to give a better life to his children. Shucks, can’t remember what type of engineering he’s doing as his first job. I hope that some day, he would find closure. Hopefully, his children will appreciate and understand what he has done for them to have a normal life, in a loving family. That they will take care of him and his wife when they are old (visit, at least) and make sure he doesn’t feel lonely. Because the emptiness in his voice when he repeated that he had no one around for years except doctors, nurses and caretakers, was heartbreaking. God bless them.
<3 Icesabel

Ultimate Airport Dubai

Wait a minute… What year is this episode on National Geographic Channel in? It’s on Season 3, though. Why in the world are they still using Windows XP? With the amount of security flaws on that eol thing, it’d better be a really old video. 

Didn’t finish watching it. Got bored after a couple of minutes. What was I even expecting from that? There are more pressing issues outside of this famous-stopover that are worth watching/reading.

<3 Icesabel

Hey ho

Another lot of posts deleted before they got posted. Maybe, all I wanted was an outlet to throw everything out of my system, without needing to tell anyone. Well, at least, for the past few weeks.

I have been so self-aware, that, I enjoy the simplest of things happening around me. Literally savouring the tiniest feeling of serenity and loving it to the point where I’m scared that bad times will loom in soon. Being thankful for so many things.

I’m excited for a couple of upcoming events. A staycation on my birthday, belated Christmas gathering with my college friends at the end of the year (after so many years), extra 2 days travelling alone around UK (after my work meeting event) next month, surprise present for my lil sis in a 4-star hotel staycation for her new year birthday , going to get my house keys by the third quarter, my younger bro is getting married on the month of my 2nd year anniversary (I’m sponsoring for their wedding invitation cards), graduate with my specialist diploma and another certification by then, as well… it’ll be a change of career course after that. I love what I’m studying and I hope it will be something I will continue to have a passion in when I change my line of work.

While others are looking back and doing their usual change of selves (something I never do). I’m moving forward with the future. I prefer changing and planning at any point in time based on the context and post-experience.

The road has always been bumpy and it will continue to. But, I trust in God’s plans, even if my own plans get re-directed elsewhere.
<3 Icesabel

A mess on the outside

How I’ve been wanting to talk about school, personal life, work and the world issues. But, everytime I do, I delete the post afterwards.

A whole lot of things have happened within just a short period of time. The world is more chaotic than ever. Hatred has been instilled even deeper in a lot of people. I’m finally travelling somewhere in Europe for a meeting next month, thus, being able to see my family of different races, religions and locations around the globe. Will definitely hate the cold. I love what I’m studying, but, hate the tests. Just had a test last Monday and have another tomorrow. My personal life is just that. Personal.

Waking up to see reality, I wish I could do more. 

</3 Icesabel

Skewed View

I think that… life has been pretty kind and gentle towards me right now. Actually, if I wanted to over-think issues, I do have a few problems in-hand. I’m not ignoring those facts. I just don’t want to make a big deal over them, whilst they’re still “small” in stature. This is what people meant by taking things one at a time. Handling head-on, when the time is right.

I still feel pain inside, though. I’m not surpressing it. Been venting it as I go along. But, don’t want to make it huge of a deal either. Afterall, it’s not like I’d get my answers, if, I were to break out a war at any point in time. Such a waste of energy and it’d definitely create more stress caused by that reaction.

Sure. Sometimes, I do wish things were a little different, but, I’ll make do with this situation. There isn’t one person living a life with no problems, anyway. Gambatte!
<3 Icesabel

Night owls

No idea why the title is like so. Randomness.

I don’t know how to feel nowadays. I mean, it’s just a confusing transition period. Somehow, it feels like my plan is going as it should. But, I’m still unsure if this is what I need for my future.

I’m truly blessed to be given the feeling of peace, for the past few days. It’s… rejuvenating. Became so self-aware of a lot of details. Every breath, every pace, the sceneries… makes me feel… like I’m living. Not just for the sake of being alive. Yet, it meant having to absorb a lot at once.

But, on another topic, I wish I can stop feeling a little bitter inside. It hurts to hold that in. Trying to ignore its existence. I don’t want to talk about it here though. All I can do is hold on to that thought that, it is as it should be.

At other times, I become irritated with the fact that I’m unable to fast forward time for myself to grab something that I don’t even know of. I’m weird, like that.
<3 Icesabel

The sadness

Found out why I’ve been sad/stressed and didn’t have much appetite, as of lately.

Since I joined Twitter, I saw and absorbed way too much truth of reality. I’d call it a mental shock. Of course, I knew what I was signing up for. Working in a global non-profit allowed me to work and talk with people who have been through what I’d only have nightmares of. Their truth is way better than any news I’d read or watch over what the corrupted media would ever want to feed to their sponge society.

What I didn’t anticipated was my heart and mind being scrunched and torn… hurled and broken.. again and again. It hurts, so bad, not being able to do a thing. It hurts to see inhumane animated beings killing without a second thought. How could they? It hurts to see so many huge problems everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Except places where puppets are oblivious to the world outside of their bubble.

Didn’t help that the earthquakes and hurricanes, etc have been raging in my team’s countries. Depressingly sad. Crying without tears because it freaking hurts way too much.
But…

I was also partly (small portion) stressed because of my next step in my so-called career. Thinking of taking another 2 certifications on top of my current one-year course. I don’t know how or why exactly, but, I can feel a similar burning of a huge flame within me. Just as it did a long time ago. Feeling excited like a small child finding a new challenge. That one cert I went on to seach on, came up with so many people who took 6-9months to self-study and intensed studying and testing to have to get 70% to pass in a 7 hours exam! Brutal. I guess, I have to start somewhere. Exams can be booked when I’m ready. So, no rush for now.
😞I’m exhausted right now. Didn’t sleep well last night because of the haze and hot temeprature. Had to last all the way until my night class ends after my working day. After all this time… I’d thank God for shedding this much light in my way. There are still a lot of burning questions running through my mind. But, I’ve been listening to the Quran and it has been peaceful for me, today. If only I can fast forward time. Somehow, the parts don’t look like they’ll fit properly at this angle. But, I have a feeling, they will fit, but, only when the time is right.

May God bless and protect us all. Only He knows everything.
<3 Icesabel