Be proud

Be proud of your guardian (whoever s/he may be)!

There was an article circulating around about a boy who felt disgusted with his mom working as a beer lady at a coffee shop (disgusted by her working as so to pay for his university fees) and lied to his rich girlfriend about his mom that she has a business (because he’s ashamed).

WTH??!!!

Whether or not you find her job disgusting, because it’s against your moral codes, she worked hard to send you to school, especially, when you’ve been sent all the way to university.
It isn’t cheap, especially not in our country.
It could probably be the only job she could find or get or do at that time and probably too difficult to change now.
It is not as if she had spent money on irrelevant things, but, it was on you.
Being an ungrateful and obtuse child, you are not able to see or probably did not even bother to talk to her as a mother and son, if there is something bothering you and instead, pick on the negative points and do so behind her back (to the PUBLIC).

Did you place your brains and sensibility in your primary school bag?
I doubt she planned to spend her hard-earned money to make you stupid and ludicrous.

Lying to your girlfriend because you’re ashamed of your mother’s job is a dumb thing to do.
For how long are you going to keep up the front?
Not matured enough to be in a real relationship, if you don’t even know that one of the rules to being in a relationship is to be open with each other.
Then again, it’s probably just puppy love.
Whether she’s from a rich family, is irrelevant at this point.
If she or her family are really someone who looks down on the unfortunate, she/they has/have issues, herself/themselves.
Not worth being in a toxic relationship, in the first place.

 

</3 Icesabel

Thinking it over

Dreams can evolve over time.
Mine did.
With the frustration that comes with the past few years, some dreams got destroyed, whilst one was created, unplanned.

This is probably a nice first baby step towards what I wish to do next.
Honestly, I am not an A student.
Looking through results during my younger school years, I’m more of a B and C student.
The only As are from the ones I enjoy doing the most.
Mainly science, arts, music, (very active in sports)…
Thus, grew the stigma within that I just wanted to get by with a mere pass and get my cert.
Added to the fact that I didn’t truly believe that merely studying will help me much with life or career-wise, back then.
Had no idea what was in store for me.

For one, it shows that I do love and enjoy the course.
If not for the passion, I wouldn’t perform.
That is genuinely true, seeing my past and present self.
So, it’s safe to say that although I know it’ll be a tough journey, but, I know it will be an awesome one.

Two; contrary to my distrust in the current education system, the course went over my expectations.
I love the fact that only 50% of it was theory.
We had practical exams and/or assignments for each module, which, I’ve probably complained before, about how irritatingly tough it was because some things weren’t taught to us and we had to wing it on our own.
Practical things that WILL be used when I do get into the field.
That… the hands-on… is what I’ve always loved to do.
I just dislike regurgitation of theories… people who can only handle written paper cookie-cutter answers, whilst in reality, it doesn’t work that way.

Three; 2 of the ermm.. 5? 6? lecturers are truly admirable.
Real-life accounts, teaching things that will be NEEDED to be applied when I do delve into it, making sure we understand the practicality and technicality of things.
Some of whom are good at what they do, considering their main day job consists of being in the field and doing the nitty gritty.
But, are willing to take the time to pass on their knowledge to us, mere newbies.

So, there is still hope in the system.. at least, for this one.

 

On top of all the issues in my current job, I’ve also had taken some time to think over what really matters to me the most.
As much as I enjoy helping people, this might not be the right way, for me.
I can’t possibly cling on to a handful of people who I enjoy working with or those past fizzled out dreams of wanting to be deployed (but, never did).
Some things are getting toxic by the month.
The passion to do my current job scope has lapsed, anyway.
It was worth the 8 years.
Time to move on.

Oh wait.. 8 years?
Let’s see… About a year to try to get a spot in doing this type of job.
Job hopping everywhere.
Stayed in one company for 2 years.
Job hopped a bit.
Stayed here (although, I did work somewhere else for 3 months, in between) for 5 years.
lol
And.. I was being petty over the initial first year?!!
Partly because I wasn’t sure what I really enjoyed doing and when I did, I couldn’t find somewhere I could fit in to.
Partly because of all the negativity I’ve received during the initial stage.
Don’t know why I had to prove myself extra hard just because I’m a girl. >_>

Give me another 2 years.
I’m going to build my base solid.
Maybe I won’t be able to work on a global scale, like I am right now.
Hopefully, I’ll get another awesome “work” family further down the road.
In Sya Allah, it will be fruitful.

 

❤ Icesabel

School’s Over

OMG OMG OMG OMG~
Sorry… Just can’t contain my happiness.
Got As for my 2 modules for the last semester.
Thought that I’d get C for the 3rd one.
A very nice surprise!
Graduation will be in November.

Just got to know from the guys about a notice by our last lecturer, that, I’m on the top 5 overall performers for the module! lol

My classmates are planning to take our other cert near the end of December, so, I’ll follow suit, as, they’ll need a minimum number of students to take on certain dates.
That one has a minimum passing mark of 70%.
Ugh.

Alrighty then… woohoo!!
❤ Icesabel

 

 

 

 

Black

I’ve had instant knock out once. But, I’ve always wondered how it feels like to have a slow blackout and not have any power over it. Happened a while ago.

Was going to work, as per normal, watching my usual youtube shows in the extremely crowded train. Was feeling all okay. Then suddenly I felt giddy… perspiring profusely in the cold aircon… my ears started to buzz loudly… my vision was slowly becoming shaky… soon most of my view is black, but, I can still see a bit of blurred colours. Telling myself to relax and not faint. You know… the “stay strong” drill. Upon reaching my destination, I went straight to the nearest clinic.

Have just been diagnosed with low blood pressure. I knew I had low sugar levels for a long time – never been diagnosed by any doc though, but it never caused any problems as bad as this. Most of the time, I get cold sweats and getting weak, but, a cold isotonic drink and a seat makes me alright. So, no doctor has diagnosed me that officially until today. My sugar level was normal though… probably had already normalised by then, I guess.

Usually, I’d blame it on being underweight, which is out of my control. Oh well.
❤ Icesabel

4th Anniversary and whatnot

anniversay4

Ooooh… 4 years?
I’ve been blogging before blogging was even cool, except that they used to either be on my personal website or blogspot, back then.
Only ’cause I love writing down my thoughts.

Talking about penning down my thoughts…
Although, I do know about the consequences of being a little too vocal on some topics, I think I need to chill down a notch and not talk about some parts of certain types of topics or at least, be a little more cryptic about it.

As much as I have so much frustration on a lot of things, the people around me at work, anywhere, are holding back on their feelings even more.
Just afraid that things will turn for the worse soon and considering my fave peeps are thinking through their options, I’d have to be on my feet.
I still have one more cert to do… and I haven’t even studied for it yet.
After that, I’m free of the bonds.
Not only the internal factors play a role, but, I realised that even external factors are showing signs of disagreement and adding negative feelings towards it.
What’s going to be left that’s genuinely true for me?
Technically, close to nothing, eventually.
Questions have been answered.

 

❤ Icesabel

 

 

Ladies… Go go go!

Two who have been thrilled and felt rewarded on travelling alone and one who has just graduated, whilst her classmates are a decade younger.

As someone who loves to travel alone and has just finished a school course filled with men who are way older than me, I know how those feels like. Somehow, I feel proud of them. For one, they’re definitely out of their safe bubble and comfort zone. On top of that, embracing and loving the change of air. All of whom felt empowered in their own way.

Never stop trying something new and live your dreams!!!
❤ Icesabel

Digital Heroin?

The article on “It’s ‘digital heroin’: How screens turn kids into psychotic junkies” caught my eye earlier. Then, saw another article on fear-mongering on the usage of digital technology for kids. I’m not going to repeat what they’ve said, so, do read it up at your own time first.

Well…
I know me. My experience first hand. Who and how I was and am.
Gaming since the early 90s, back when I was on MS-DOS (pc), Sega and Nintendo consoles.
Doing IT based on freelance, (for fun – gaming-based community) and work, since I started studying IT back in the early 2000s.
In addition to that, my used to be on-and-off obsession with gaming all throughout, something I’d like to touch on right now… an addiction.

The good thing is that I’m lucky enough to be able to differentiate between going too far in doing something and lacking behind in something, since I was young.
The bad thing is, as a normal human, I’m susceptible to being overdosed in something because we do perceive something as a norm at some point in time when doing something similar or in a pattern – or… get sucked in it.

I wouldn’t know how things will be for the future, but, if I do have kids, I’ll probably be the parent who will inform and teach my kids why and how technology works.
Nope, I will not give a smartphone or tablet to my kids, until, they’re matured enough (not by age – because for me, I was older beyond my years, even when I was in primary school – but, everyone is different, of course) to understand the difference between needs and wants and the good and bad of technology.
It’ll be tougher for me on one scale, because both my husband and me are avid gamers and we chill/relax or take our mind off work/reality by gaming, most of the time.
But, having technology itself that controls the rest of your ability to think well on doing your daily routine (such as work and school) and future endeavours, shines a red light.
Whenever I see young kids glued to their mobiles, I’m like.. “you’re missing out on a lot of things in life”.

Even as a techie, I don’t even really like being glued to my smartphone or ipad.
I’ll only whip them out whilst having long journey on the train and whatnot.
Which is just watching youtube or reading latest updates from my friends on fb.
ps. I rarely play the pokemon go, which, a lot of people are/were crazy about (and people are very surprised about thinking it’s supposed to relate to the amount of time I game).
Not even part of the zombie cult of being glued to a phone while walking, either.
I like to look around (except looking at people).
There is no correlation between my gaming hobby and being an IT personnel with being crazy about technology.
I HATE it when people talk about work (IT-related) or whatever latest IT thing is going on, especially when I’m off work.
You pretty much know so much and work with IT most of your waking life, that you don’t even want to go there, sometimes.
As I’ve said, gaming is my “time-off”.
So, even if you always see me gaming when I’m off work, it’s only because I don’t like going out – due to crowds, wasting money – you know.. the tendency to shop, yada yada.. I’m not exactly a people-person and I neither drink nor go to clubs/pubs/etc.

I’m going off-track with my rambling.

People can get hooked to something, more so, a child who doesn’t have enough capability to see the wrong in doing something – excessively, yet.

In my experience/POV, I do not get hooked to something I don’t like playing.
But, once I enjoy playing a particular game, there is a big possibility that I’ll get addicted to it.
To the point where (based on when I was still in school), I’ll miss out on proper meals, wanting to do the usual chores (studying, etc), sleeping less… in short, not wanting to do anything productive.
Most of the time, I would stop the binge because my skin was worsening (lol), because due to the unhealthy ways of not eating at the right times and the right kind of diet, touching my face after touching the mouse, keyboard and table – you know.. facepalms and getting angry and going all “omg!” moments sort and the likes and of course, not sleeping enough or enough sunlight.
Well, I’m still a girl who still cares to be presentable, in some way. +_+
Ah yes… the anger part.
I remember getting agitated with people.
I just didn’t want to be around people, at all, only because I only wanted to game and wanted to run away from “extra” activities of being told to do housework or going out with friends.

Back then, technology and video gaming were still young.
People didn’t know what could go wrong with it yet – the after-effects of excessive or addiction to technology.
The problem with now is that, it has become part of life to use technology.
Nearly everyone has a smartphone.
It has been integrated with the daily duties of a person.
You can’t exactly run away from its usage, but, you can control how and when you use it.

It should actually be easier on parents who aren’t glued to computers/smartphones.
Then again, the first thing that came to mind are people who love watching tv a lot, not much of a difference in that or one who wants to “silent” a child whilst the parents are doing something else.

I prefer my childhood though.
The one before I got addicted – I  only started to get that addiction because I was on a 6-months holiday from school, when I was 16 and it continued to live on and off through to my mid 20s.
Before that, I was doing A LOT of things, even though I was on video games once in a while.
That childhood where I played out in the sun, climbing trees, rolling in the field and playing soccer in the mud and rain, catching snails and lizards, oh.. how I love swings and jumping in mid-air.. haven’t seen a swing around here for years, swimming!! I would go swimming for hours and come home late and get scolded and I was very dark skinned because of swimming and running a lot back then – I tanned as quickly as I become fair back again. Ah yes, going fishing and it was pretty often.. nearly every weekend and cycling when I was bored fishing! Playing oldskool local games – five-stones, chap-teh, hopscotch, cat’s cradle, etc. Martial arts. I pretty much self-taught myself things like playing musical instruments and rollerblading because no one in my family knew how to.
Actually, even when I’m travelling, I tend to forget to take pictures because I get engrossed with everything around me.
The kids nowadays don’t do these.
If I could trade back the addiction years, I’d do more of those.
The only free time I have now is after work (and then, night school).
By the time I want to be out in the sun, the sun’s already out.😄

How did the parents in this time and space become afraid of their kids of getting sick, anyway – afraid of their child falling and getting mere scratches and whatnot?
Did their childhood get taken aback?
Just… wondering.
They’re not going to build their immunity system to a good average, that way.
— Probably why I can still stomach street food from other countries without getting sick, compared to a couple of people around.

Yes, times are changing.
Kids are now always on social media, trying to be known or obsessed with one’s self – don’t say it isn’t you when you’re always taking selfies with photo editors to make them look perfect or like some sort of animal, addicted to taking photos of food and whatnot – instead of enjoying the company of people around you and the good food you’ve been blessed with, the rise of digital abuse/bullying, easier to “communicate” with strangers – leading to problems like stalking/bullying/rape, etc.
Tougher on a parent too.
It’s not just about taking away the technology.
That’s inevitable.
It has to move towards educating on the usage instead.

 

❤ Icesabel