Upside downside

The last good one of the old batch has left. He’s moving out of Asia and shifting  to be the main director in our Syria’s office.

It isn’t just this piece of news that has made me feel a little more sentimental and dive into thinking a bit too much. One of my comrades is taking a month off of work and it makes me feel scared of losing the whole team. These people who I look forward to working with all these while. The 5 of us. The workaholic, the sleepy one, the innovative one, the quiet one and they call me the hyper one.

Getting bits of information that makes me wish that I was way more ignorant about my surroundings. Listening to sad or angry topics here and there. All the more making me feel that I should probably just hold on just a little bit longer, until this year ends, and nothing more.

It’s not that simple. I’ve realised that certain things will NOT change. How it reminds me of being in a perfectly wrong relationship and still holding on, whilst wishing and trying to change the other person or situation.
Ah… The little things that make me happy. My nubtart hubby, my naughty kitties… My night classes learning about awesome stuff… Oh yes, I’m going to collect my house keys mext month! A place I can call my own. Oh well…
What comes after all these will come as it should. Honestly, if I were to look at it with a clear mind, I don’t exactly have a direct problem. /touch wood. If I were smart, I’ll go with the flow without caring about other people’s problems. But, I’ve always been a fool. I KNOW! I know… I’m not a superhero and I’m not trying to be one. I just don’t want to see people who I care about to be sad or tired or weak. Frustrating, indeed.

This is that time when you wish you know nothing about everything.
</3 Icesabel

Back from the trip!

What a trip!!!

I love the training!
Learned things from Satellite communications to Sat phones to Radio communications to GPS… all the awesome stuff.
The final day ended with us been given a emergency crisis scenario and to plan from scratch.
Was placed as a team leader and oh boy… it was definitely a tough job to do!
Plus, the high stress level was real, given that pressure of having to make things happen on the fly.
Time flew by quickly and before we knew it, 5 days had passed.
Definitely enjoyed the time spent with team I was with.
Definitely.

 

So much so, that, I began to find out about another side of a story.
But, it made me realise that I’ve got the best team mate, in my region, I could ever ask for.
Realised that beneath all the crap that I sometimes have to put up with, it isn’t even a quarter as bad as the other regions are putting up with.
That although I’ve always thanked God for His blessings in giving me the best group of talented and grounded people to work with in IT, this made me even more thankful.
I feel sorry for the rest of them and just hope that things will work out for them, eventually.
Can’t help on my end.😦

Through all these talks and discussions (outside of the training), I learned a little about myself, through the eyes of some of them.
Though most of the points are things that I already know of.
Learned that there are people who actually look up to me.
Those who envy my accomplishments.
That they find it daunting that I can be too vocal about my thoughts.
Things that people are afraid to say, because they are afraid of losing something.
I can see why, but, the fact that I’ve omitted the feeling of being scared on those terms, made things different in my point of view.
They ask why would I say such things or to tone down.
People would go… hush… hush. I would go… bla… bla.
Well, who knows… whether there actually are people from the other side who doesn’t like me around, due to that.
I’m not here to impress anyone or do every single thing like a stupid donkey, just because someone says so, even if they’re “up there”.
The extra “problem” with me is my womanly instinct, which I think some people find it a weakness/problem.
I take care of people and my different teams.
I make sure things get done.
The same way a mother would take care of her children and multi-task on her daily household chores.

You know… some people just want what they want and don’t care how they get it, even if it means breaking others down.
These are people I’d call “wolves”.
Learned that there were actually a lot of wolves behind the scenes…
And a lot of silent sheeps going about their daily routines.
Well… how’d I fit into the picture?

Through time, I’ve come to realise, as to why some would prefer to just hush it down and do the same old.
How’d I get exhausted trying to push them to change or be positive.
Not because they were never once like me.
But, because things were fruitless, no matter what they tried to do.
And I’ve been feeling the bites all these time.
Good thing is, they’re more like ant bites, so, yes…
I’ll still fight for the greater good.
However, there were times, when the thought of “the good definitely dies first” because of some repercussions and things like “I wish I hadn’t tried too hard for others”.
Oh God… the pain hurts like crazy!
/shrugs
Well, I’ll still do what I want.

 

Anyway…
After the training, I stayed over in London for a day and a half.
Since, I didn’t want to look at the same stuff I did earlier this year, I did something else.
This time around, I went to Arsenal Stadium!
The security guard told me to give a bigger smile because “I’m in ARSENAL Stadium!”.
No offense, kind sir, but, I’m a Liverpool fan. >_<
I’m just here because, Ozil is one of my fave individual soccer players, apart from Messi.

Had lunch at the Darwin Brasserie.
I’m not into fancy restaurants, but, the Sky Garden was fully booked and somehow I was craving for a good view of the city… haha.
So, why not?



Walked around places I’ve not been yet. Not even sure where this is. lol
Random walks with neither an agenda nor a map.

Did a little shopping.
Saw groups of people protesting around in the main district.
Feel sorry for them, not that we aren’t faced with the same issues in my homeland.
These are the reasons why I hate big corporates and the real swindling wolves.

The next day, packed my stuff before heading out to have a walk around the Kensington Palace, the nearby grounds and the gorgeous huge park!
It was sunny and was so warm that I didn’t even need my windbreaker.



Wish I had more time lazing around the park, but, needed to go back to get my stuff and head to the airport.

 

❤ Icesabel

Judge me from the outside

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: Contrast

There is a stark contrast between how I look and who I am.
Being a petite, under-weight, quiet (most of the time), girlish and bimbo-ish-looking girl…
It’s easy for one to jump to conclusions, on matters, such as…
Being physically weak, easy to bully, not so knowledgeable, etc.
Unlike most people who find it insulting (Well, I actually used to find that depressing, when I was way younger)…
The more I become excited over that fact.
Because, people would then bring their guard down… a lot.
At times, I do feel guilty, when I make fun of people in return.

I don’t look the part.

It’s… fun.
Because people who don’t know what I do as a living, won’t ask me to fix stuff during my free-time (I need my relax and me-time). They ask my hubby instead.
Because when they piss me off and think of me as a downgraded noob, I’ll ask questions or talk in a higher-level IT techie language (only when I feel sarcastic, though) that they become dumbfounded and decide to forward it on to the next level.
Because I get to laugh (on the inside) when I hear funny noobish or techie stuff or jokes from people… even when my hubby is the one who’s the nubcake. The times when I don’t say anything in return and make you feel like a “king”, but, chuckle non-stop silently.
Well, just to watch the world burnnnnnnnn~
Since, they don’t see me as an equal.
Wouldn’t blame them, anyway.
If I saw myself, I would’ve judge the same way, if I didn’t get to know me.
/roflmao

Now…
If only I could talk to my younger self and tell her to always laugh it all off.

 

❤ icesabel

Love… for the first quarter of 2016


Love love love~

  • Jabra Move Wireless
    Lost my grey headphones (the one pictured in one of my earlier posts, when I went Liverpool)😥 So, I’ve purchased this today. LOVE IT! Light-weight, Bluetooth enabled or wired, if preferable. Awesome bass and sound!!❤
  • Illenium – Ashes
    Just found this, by some random chance, on Youtube. In love with most of the songs!❤
  • Original Beauty Blender
    Been using since last year, but, I never knew it was way better to use, for my skin type, instead of brushes or fingers.❤
  • Anime
    The season that’s ending most of the episodes…
    Ajin, Akagami no Shirayukihime, Gate: Jieitai Kanochi nite, Kaku Tatakaeri (2016), Myriad Colors Phantom World and Schwarzesmarken.❤
  • Uniqlo Heattech
    Have never been so impressed with clothing. Having to travel to a cold climate months back, this is my bestie (I can’t stand the cold! Living in such a hot climate, my whole life) when travelling, without having to bulk up. Just the Heattech top, bottom and socks, any dress/top & bottom and a jacket+scarf+gloves. Bam… I’m all warm outdoors and cool indoors.❤
  • Having short hair
    Always thought that my squarish face would never be able to “carry off” the short hair look. Maybe… I’m more confident… hmmm… I don’t know, but, I love it. Had it cut shorter 2 weeks back again!❤

Guess that’s all. Everything else that I like aren’t necessarily what I’m in love with. So… yeah.. that’s about all for my list!

 

❤ Icesabel

Silent Voice

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: Voice

Although, I do talk about it in my blog and mention bits and pieces of it to some people…
Doubt that I really voice out externally.

I have never thought of being or wanting to be someone who would advocate or be a spokesperson, of any sort, to stand on my beliefs.
But, it doesn’t mean that, I wouldn’t stand firmly by it.
Just did it in a silent voice.

All I ever really wanted, as I grew older, was to do what I wanted to.
It helped that there were a lot of barriers that stopped me, caused me to fall, cry, hurt myself, stand up, find another way, to think for myself… essentially, because, I wanted to… I choose to.
Sometimes, I hate it when I open up too much, but, if someone does need that advice, based on an experience (I don’t know a lot, since my life path is different to others), I wouldn’t mind sharing… everything that comes after that belongs to the other individual’s choice.
That, in itself, is my silent voice.

My conscience… a silent voice.
One with a handful of choices.
Asking me what I would, eventually, prefer to select.

It wasn’t like so, back in my younger years of teens and 20s.
The war in my head…
There were different voices trying to drown one another.
Trying to make sense, all at once and having to start from the beginning again and again.
Foolish youth, who didn’t realise that, I’d only need God’s words.
That silent Voice.

The angst all around (from right in the neighborhood to around the world), trying to bring others down with them.
People filled with jealousy, anger, confusion…
Bluntly blaming a group, sect, etc and suddenly, it becomes my fault, somehow, because I stand for something.
Everyone does, even if you think you’re not part of any “group” in society.
For those confused people, I mean by rich/poor, religious/atheist, vegan/omnivores, pc/console, white/black/yellow/brown/whatever purple/pink/green skin colour you want to be, male/female, etc.
Hold it there people… we’re all going to fight for our own causes, in a fair manner in an unjust reality mode, but, we’re not going to stupidly fight amongst each other, when the real wolf is laughing at the back, smart enough to not being mentioned in any clause.
The victims are fighting with other victims.
The people who don’t use violence.
Those silent voices.

What is this silent voice?
Anything you deem it to be.
More so, brought to life by actions.

 

❤ Icesabel

Just a little quickie

Just being lazy and didn’t think there was anything too important or significant to update in my blog…
So, a month has gone by with nothingness.

I’ve created a bucket list page.
Just felt like creating one, since I’ve a list of to-do in my head throughout the years, anyway.
Link is in the main link section, above.

As shown, I’ve just been certified to deploy VSATs (basic, though).
Will be flying over to London and travel to Alton, Hampshire in less than 2 weeks for the real physical training on VSAT deployments.
I had grinded the last 4 topics of the course last Monday, whilst having fever!
Procrastinated enough and didn’t want to think about it anymore.
Each topic had about 2 tests each and one of the topics was a real toughie.
Took me 5 hours to figure out how to do so.
That was the “final of the finals” portion.
>_<

Had 2 of my lower wisdom teeth extracted last Saturday.
That explains the fever.
In fact, I’ve been getting fever, on and off since then.
Had sore throat for 2 days and today, I’m coughing and with a running nose.
My cheeks are swollen.
The only part I hate is not being able to eat properly.
I really can’t just consume soups and soft food for too long.
Driving me crazy!
So, I’ve been munching on solid, but, not too hard meats… “yay!”.
Had to shred them and munch slowly, as I can only place 1 finger between my teeth and I have small fingers.
+_+
Doc gave me a week worth of medical leave.
Oh God… been bored to death at home.
So, I did a bit of shopping today for my upcoming trip and some replenishment for home usage.

I was playing The Division earlier, but, was just busy studying and relaxing after work.
So, that got put to the side.
Not exactly in the mood to game nowadays anyway.

Oh yes…
The second half of school will start next month.
Night classes will resume and I’ll be back to being exhausted again after work and school.

Alrighty then…
Gotta get some rest.
Been sneezing and coughing too much.
Nightz.

 

❤ Icesabel

 

Swiftly

Everything happened in one go. I don’t think I can share the details here, but, I can say that God has a way with my life, in the most surprising way.

How can I forget telling myself to be patient countless times? Some were telling me to do it back then, but, I had a feeling that it wasn’t the right time yet. The perfect time slot came yesterday. In return, I received good news!

It feels more like it was all planned out, but, I needed to make the initiative and work at it. If I had been impatient last year, give up on certain aspirations or even get very frustrated and walk away, it wouldn’t have led me here.

Now, the load of many things are on my back. Being too ambitious and I’ve been starting to grapple on everything. Backed out on a team, but he, in turn, help with the discussion. God. Thank you for allowing awesome people to be around me! I know that without understanding, intelligent and down to earth characteristics, they wouldn’t have listened to a word I have to say. You guys, rock!

I was jumping with joy on the way back from work yesterday and later in the evening. That was the time I had received the replies, as, they were all on different time zones. 

Calculated that I have 4 more months of evening school, minus the school break terms and in the midst of that, I have to start on my other course and own it before the end of this year. Gambatte!

❤ Icesabel