Sigh~

The kind of days where you feel touched and sad.

Am I lucky to be around people who would always say “thank you” after every request done?
Especially being in a so-called thankless job most other IT people would complain about.
I haven’t spread the word widely that I’m leaving yet, but, there are a few I’ve spoken to.
I’d be damned if those weren’t the saddest thing to hear from each and every one of them.

Just received a card from one, who was the Asia Regional Head of Logistics:

“You are always there and available to help, even when we don’t hear or see you. The quiet person but the friendliest and most efficient IT person I’ve known.”

That was what my future boss said to me.
“We will always be at the back-end, unseen and unknown, until something crops up. But, that should be on rare occasions.”
When I asked what he wanted out of me during the 3rd round of interview.

This time around, I didn’t even bother to ask for a counter-agreement when asked to stay.
That white flag on my head says it all.
But, shucks… oh shucks… I really feel like I miss them all so badly now. :(

My leave will start next week.
Then it’ll just be 2 weeks of work before I leave for the new place.
Time… sometimes, it feels like it’s flying by way too quickly.

I really hope they don’t set up those surprising “last day party” that they always do with everyone.
Will be really awkward.
I hate talking unnecessarily like that.

</3 Icesabel

The video game idea that caused a walkout

In an effort to raise awareness of the situation of children in South Sudan, UNICEF embarked on an unusual kind of campaign.

We sent an actor, a film crew and two South Sudanese youth to a major video game convention in Washington, D.C., and we were given a keynote address slot to pitch an exciting new video game to an audience of gaming enthusiasts.

The gamers in the room were real, as were their reactions and the footage that we captured for this short film.

In 2014, disasters and crises have affected children in many parts of the world.

In South Sudan, which only a few years ago celebrated its independence, food crisis and conflict during the past year have had deadly consequences for children.

Raising awareness is just one step toward helping the children of South Sudan, who are living every day in a life-or-death situation, and it is not a game.

This video is not intended as a comment or attack on the gaming community.

Learn more about how UNICEF is reaching children in South Sudan: http://www.unicef.org/infobycountry/s…

Received an email a while ago with the link to the video.
I am not against having awareness, as in their intention, on the situation of children in South Sudan.
But, the first thing that came to my mind was, what are they really trying to achieve by doing this “awareness”?

First of all, do not attack on the gaming community when they leave the room.
What would you have expected?
“The protagonist is an under-aged girl who went into prostitution and whatnot.”
Actually, it sounds like “Walking Dead” and “This War of Mine”.
Even if it’s a non-violent game, if it’s not something to my liking, I won’t even be around any longer to hear what it’s about at some launch.
I’m not going to a game convention lingering around somewhere I don’t want to be at.
They were there because they wanted a game.
They didn’t like the sound of that “game”, thus, leaving.
Maybe the idea of the game was disturbing (they don’t plan to play that kind of game).
They were definitely planning to enjoy their time in a gaming convention because it’s probably their free time to relax and take time off from reality by gaming and trying new games.
That sounded more like lecturing and preaching.
You dampened the mood, they got frustrated.
Non-gamers who see and don’t understand will start saying gamers do not care, etc.

Second, non-gamers have started to dig out that old topic of gaming bringing nothing, but, violence and negative impacts towards gamers (may they be kids or adults).
Sick of that topic!
The correlation does not make sense and is of no guarantee whatsoever.
Luckily I work with intelligent people.
As they themselves agree that violent games =/= violent people.
Most of my friends are gamers.

Third, why was your target audience aimed at gamers?
What was the aim in this?
Gamers aren’t exactly the richest people in the world.
A lot of them are still in school.
Even I was given enough pocket money for only daily lunch.
Sure, my indulgence was in buying games and gaming equipment.
Why weren’t they targeting the big-shots?
Or were they initially trying to target the gaming scene, so, that the big-shots would roll their eyes and start pointing fingers at us… just to attract their attention?

Hello everyone, thanks for all your comments, we really appreciate you voicing your opinions on the video as well as the situation of children in South Sudan.

We wanted to take this opportunity to make some clarifications. The purpose of this video is to bring to light the incredibly difficult reality many children in South Sudan face on a daily basis. It is not intended as a comment or attack on the gaming community. We used this concept to raise awareness about the issues in South Sudan – and highlight that such shocking stories are true and not making the news. The South Sudan civil war has been going on for one year and children are bearing the brunt of the conflict: http://www.unicef.org/media/media_78094.html We should also add that this video game ‘idea’ is not something we think should be turned into an actual video game. Rather, our hope is that ALL of us, no matter our occupation or hobby, don’t become immune to the difficult circumstances children face.

As an organization that is active on social media, part of our approach is to have conversations in relevant places and on platforms with audiences that matter to us. With that said, we would appreciate it if you can keep all views constructive. Comments using hate speech, swearing or sharing graphic images will be removed as per our community guidelines.

Fourth, if it was to show that war or exploitation of children, etc are real and games show a grey view of what they really mean.
You should’ve showed this to game developers, not gamers.
It could actually raise awareness if made into a real game.
Story lines (especially touching ones) tend to linger in the mind longer when you’ve played hours in a game with a real backbone of a story.
I’ve read a few story books based off reality.

Fifth, if they wanted gamers to join in the cause, then, work with the gaming community.
What was the idea like?
“Got it!!! Let’s go to a video game convention and lie to them about a game we will never create. Send a message about what we are doing and hopefully, they will donate and forward this message around.”
Just because viral videos “sell”.
Was that a gimmick?

Sixth, apart from some who game professionally, the rest game as a hobby.
Others, like me, do so to escape from reality.
You have just brought me back to reality.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m sorry for their plight.
I’ve been working in a non-profit organisation in a humanitarian sector to help others for 3 years now.
But, can’t I run away from reality other than having to work day and night facing with this?
While the rest, during their leave or free-time, enjoy going to the beach or travelling or spending time with their family or go about their beloved hobbies which they’d probably had no time on, whilst, working.
I want to game (whatever the game genre)…. that’s my hobby… that’s what makes me relax, at times.
If I was there, I would get frustrated as well.
I’m not getting my time off from work like everyone else.
Who doesn’t have the right to leave work entirely and go for a holiday?
My holiday is gaming.
That is NOT fair.
I’d probably wouldn’t have the mood for anything else afterwards (I would’ve wasted my off day).
You’ve just made me sad on a lot of levels, yes, that includes that I wish I could help, but, I can’t help further and that I’m back to being stressed all over again.
I’m being honest on how I feel.

The marketing strategy is wrong from many angles.

</3 Icesabel

Just Hush…

Well, yes.
I did get the job offer.

Apparently, the CEO is being himself by pushing it on my salary offer.
I had a talk with the HR lady and one of my 2 bosses I’ll be working closely with, at Starbucks, yesterday afternoon.
They asked me what he had said to me and knew the intense moment when they saw him sit upfront nearer towards where I was seating.
The meeting room was surrounded by glass walls.
Well, what was I supposed to say?
I just said the truth.
He intimidated me and my mind went blank.
They explained that he has that effect on everyone.
The kind of person who loves challenges.

Are Swiss like that?
I’ve worked with a lot of English (UK), US, Caucasians, French, Indian, China, Nepalese, other ethnics bosses and well, it’s kind of biased and seem one-sided for the fact that I was lucky to get awesome ex-bosses… but, I’ve yet to know these guys.

Humm~
Wasn’t expecting that they’d tell me directly what he had talked to them after the interview.
Whether they feel comfortable working with me (as far as how the interview went for each of them).
Whether they can promise him that I could fit in well and to “take care of me?” and not “run away?”.
No, I do not understand the last portion.


*This still says a lot about me right now.*

I still feel pissed about a lot of things.

All I feel like doing right here is to wash my hands clean and go on a holiday.
The thought of spending money for a holiday is quite irritable, as well, actually.

I seriously want to play a MMORPG that will take me away from reality and live within the beautiful worlds of nothingness.
Without doing anything else except wandering around.

Since last last month, the sudden surge of people coming to me and problems popping out, just makes me want to throw it all out the window.
I feel like telling them… “Don’t come to me. I’m mentally lethargic. I won’t be able to help you because my motivation has depleted close to zero”.
But, I try anyway.
It’s a shame that I’m only giving them.. probably 20% of me.

It’s already a warning on my end.

I should tell my mum that I’m not preggie after all.
Something must’ve happened and I lost “s/he”.
My period came.
I was nausea for 3 freaking weeks and I couldn’t concentrate on work, gained 4kg, hated what I used to love to eat, slowly eating lesser prolly because of the slower digestive system changes, feeling tired and slept earlier even when I didn’t do much for the day.
Shucks…
How depressed can one be?
I wanted to believe so much that nothing ever happened.
But, it did.
Not with ALL those changes that happened for nearly a month.
I know my body.
I know myself.
I’m losing the weight again now.
I can eat what I like now.
Most of all, no more nausea and vomiting for weeks.
There… I said it.

I even cancelled another interview I had yesterday evening.
Thinking that I should get another backup.
Forget it.
My brain is just not up to anything else for now.

I can’t do anything right now.
Except complain and mumble.
A mental block is happening again.

I do have a week and a half of holiday end of this month.
But, I don’t even have plans to do anything or go anywhere.
Since my hubby can’t take any more holiday leave.

Maybe I should do what I used to when I was a depressed angst teen.
Go to the beach.. cycle.. swim in the sea… draw.. listen to the sound of the waves.. relax and unwind… all by myself.
Maybe I should.

Oh…
Hmmm…
The CIO (my boss’ boss) just emailed me to write-up on my boss (regional IT manager’s) for his performance review.
Great.
I’m not exactly in the right mind to write anything.
Wasn’t expecting that.
We have this system of nominating 5-6 people from our organisation, who could be anyone, to write a “review”.
Actually, I have no idea what to write for my boss.
He’s one quiet person who I don’t know much of.
In this organisation alone, I had my boss changed thrice.
Oh well~
I’ll think about it tomorrow.

 

</3 Icesabel

Ahhh… shhhh~

Oh heck…
It doesn’t matter how things will be later today or in the coming weeks.
I’m tired of so many things bogging down my head.

It’s pretty hard to keep smiling through the rainy days.
To walk on as if nothing had happened.
Always looking up and forward, thinking that it will all be okay.
I was the total opposite of this last time and although, it feels a little better walking along with this method…
It feels more like bottling up, yet, putting messy things into its place on the shelves.
Taking one thing at a time.

Well, to an extent, it’s okay.
How in the world have I become this patient?

All I feel like doing is …

And then…

Hahahahaha~
>_<

 

<3 Icesabel

Mini Jump

And so…
I’ve just gotten a call from the HR to meet the 3rd interviewer (future boss) and her this coming Monday.

If I had failed, they would’ve just emailed me to apologise and disappear, right?
But, my brain is being a pain in the ass by being an old-record player and repeating the sequence of that last interview again and again.

FAIL!!!!!!
*oh shut up, brain!*

Argh!!!
I’m going to switch my brain to look forward to the weekends to rest instead of thinking about “work-related stuff” at all.

<3 Icesabel

Panic Attack!

Wasn’t anticipating to get so drilled down that I feel like breaking down.

 

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the top man… that he knows what exactly to say.
But, he has an extensive knowledge on so many things that I froze, was stunned and my brain went empty!

It was as if the cold wind swept across my mind and left me stranded in a polar desert.
Completely blank!
Then, I panicked!
He was nice enough to give feedback on the whole ordeal, but, at the very end, I was holding back tears whilst he explained.
If not for myself forcing my brain to stay calm… it would’ve happened… I would’ve burst into tears.
Yes, he was the only one amongst everyone else all these years to find that one weakness to cause a BSOD to my brain.

It wasn’t as if he was asking out of the world questions.
I did eventually answered bits and pieces, but, I forgot a lot of things that I knew about.
Things I would’ve been able to remember and know if I didn’t freeze.

The worst part of it all was, because of that, I couldn’t eliminate my level of honesty and blurted out that I’d probably fail.
What the… I would never have said that if I was on my normal mode.
I knew it was doomed to fail and at the last part, I guess I blurted out what was left in my head.
He gave an advice of somewhat similar to what one of my ex-bosses told me.

*This is how I felt.. whilst talking to him… “I am little and he is big”*
He’s the CEO after all~

 

Sure, sometimes I do wish that I could be someone who has that charisma and go on perfect tones who can posture myself perfectly with people.
But, if I could, I’d probably would’ve prosper even more being in the sales/marketing/charismatic leader who knows how to play up their strengths (even if they’re actually half-truths because of having to make “profits”).
I’m not like that and I’m not sorry for being me (not that anyone blames me, but, just saying).

Didn’t say I’ve not improved through the years.
I could barely even speak up last time.
But, this guy just made me go on a panic attack!

 

*the awkward moment when you can view your “competitors”*
In the job portal, I can view those who’ve applied for a certain position.
At this point in time, there are 81 applicants.
The position isn’t even closed until next week.

applicants

I’m not stated in the list (you won’t see yourself when you login)
Heh….
ew3bj

I’m thinking twice now.
Hur hur hur~
Nah… it’s over.
Que Sera Sera.

 

<3 Icesabel

Too Quick

The company that called me for the 3rd interview, a week back, has been quiet.
Initially, I was excited and preferred them amongst the rest.
But, contemplated when I realised, that, they have nothing more to offer than a repetitive workload.
The IT manager from the HQ himself asked, if, I were to get bored (at the very end).
Ended “bad”, although, it was awesome all the way before that awkward moment.
He was the 2nd interviewer, by the way.

Well, I got a call back from another company who invited me for the 2nd interview this morning at 9am!
I’ve never been to an interview this early!!!
He gave his sign of approval.
The weirdest part was when he told me what their CEO might ask me, if, I were to get through to the last round.
Just as I reached work, I got a call from their HR for a 3rd interview at 4pm.

So… why not?
Honestly, I was quite reserved about the position when I went for the 2nd round.
Because the 1st round was pretty boring.
I was literally given technical tests.
Not that it was tough to answer.
Just that, there were some things that I thought wouldn’t be something that I’d want to work with for long.

I’d have to say that the 3rd round was… surprising.

He knew what he wanted and he wanted to know what I wanted.
It was nearly in synced.
Although, I realised that I was giving my “Resting bitch face”.
*Google it, if, you don’t know what that is about.* +_+

Only because he said, “you don’t look excited”, when I said I was excited.
The fact that I wasn’t expecting such a sudden change of atmosphere.
*mind-blown*

How I used to go on and on about how I want to bring about changes and innovation to places, or, at the very least, perfection to only overview the maintenance portion.
Getting frustrated at the higher-ups who are probably too busy with things that they deem more important.
Becoming bored easily and hating monotonous cycles.

There was more…
There were other projects that they’re planning to rake up and I’m going to pilot it.
//
#include <iostream>

int main()
{
std::cout << “Hello World!“;
}
//

I have no idea why I said that. XD
But, I have just met my next awesome boss (if I do get the position and if do, whether I’d decide to take it up).

Less than an hour after the 3rd interview, the HR lady emailed me to meet the CEO for the final interview tomorrow.
That escalated EXTREMELY quickly!

I’ve yet to absorb everything that the 3rd one had talked about.
Already have a lot of ideas in my head right now.

I’m scared as well.
For years…
Even though I know I can do something or learn things and adapt quickly…
I tend to undermine myself.
The thoughts of “what if I can’t reach their expectations”.
But, I don’t think anyone will be knocking on my door, in the near future, to give me a chance to do what I want.. when I want.. how I want it to be.
It’s for the benefit of everyone, but, the best part is, something will be done!

<3 Icesabel

Big Hero 6

I LOVE this movie!

Tugged my heart strings here and there… such a lovely storyline.
Wasn’t bored at any point in time.
I didn’t even know what it was about when I bought the tix.
The guys wanted to watch it.
LOVE IT!!!

Wrapped up in a sentence:
A group of intelligent nerds turned to super heros.

 

<3 Icesabel

The Quiet Side

Sometimes, I wish that I’m a little more different (on this matter).
When others become emotional or need “support”, I can’t really give that special hug or put it into kinder words.
I feel awkward and I just wish I wasn’t there to begin with.
Not that I’m not emotional or don’t care.
I can’t stand seeing someone sincerely being pitiful in any way.
I’m that person who cries and dies inside silently.
It’s just that, I didn’t grow up in an environment where I could share those “tender womanly love” or was given that kind of treatment.
I grew up telling myself the facts of life that made me live on and stay strong.
I’m more like those guys who could neither put feelings into words nor show it out to the world, in an instant.

Sometimes, I can see that they need it.
I seem to look heartless… emotionless.
Sometimes, I want to give something, but, I can’t.
Words that flow out from me sound more like telling you how to be strong in a very rigid way… factual, to say the least.
At times, I do care to the point that I do want to change.
But, most of the time, I allow my ego to rule the best of me.

If possible, I prefer moving out of the way from others most of the time.
Once in a while, I wish I could apologise profusely to how I (don’t) react and know how I should’ve reacted.
But, in the end, I don’t want to.
Because if I wasn’t this way, I wouldn’t have been alive at all.
What do they all know about me anyway?
Not that I care if they don’t, but, I have that reason and more to why I stand ground to who I am.
Maybe I’m essentially… selfish.

They’ve got their reasons to be so.
No blaming.. no finger-pointing.
But, if one needs that love (whether out of real concern or courtesy), you’ll have to count me out.

The saddest part is that… all these reminds me of my own mother.
I’ve never once.. not wonder if I’m like her in many ways.
In that, I use more of my brain than my heart to understand what she does is out of love.

It doesn’t mean that once I go through one path, that I will be just the same.
In the sentence above.. I mean… if I grew up without love that doesn’t mean that I will not give love in return as I grow older.
As in.. I will not do upon others what others do upon me.
I’ll choose what I want to do based on what I deem as alright at that very moment.

I’m sorry if I didn’t say “I’m sorry”.
But…
Be assured that, if I do speak, I will tell you what I really think will make you stronger (although, might not necessarily be emotionally better).
Be assured that you will be in my mind when I pray.
Be assured that it’s sincere and not because I feel sorry for you out of pathetic pity or courtesy.

That’s just me and somehow, I’m not sorry for being me.

They call me the “non-hugger”.

<3 Icesabel

Randomness =D

Well~

How reality in gaming goes~

Every freaking meeting at work~

I was close to throwing a laptop at someone last week… no joke~

Who do you think I am? Lying to me about not dropping that laptop and causing an error that clearly stated that the HDD is dead! WTH? I actually wouldn’t mind if you say it straight in my face why the problem occured. Yes, really. But, never.. EVER lie to me as if I would never find out! ;….;

Got so pissed~

Dang… didn’t expect this “randomness” post to be so negative…. so…

Before I end, here’s something I’d like to share~

“Every pro was once an amateur.
Every expert was once a beginner.
So dream big and start now.”

Well, unless you’re a n00b (not referring to newbies).
N00bs never learn and they stay a n00b forever. >_>

<3 Icesabel

World of Warcraft 10 Year Anniversary @ Zouk Singapore

Zouk Singapore
17 Jiak Kim Street, Singapore 169420
23 November 2014, Sunday 7pm – 11pm
Map

From their FB:

We’re celebrating the 10 epic years of World of Warcraft!

REGISTER AT www.warcraft.com/sg

WHO’S INVITED?
Everyone who considers themselves a World of Warcraft fan, which includes players who…
…who want to give Garrosh another round of good old fashioned beating
…reminisces about raiding the Black Temple
…still brags about clearing the old 40-man Molten Core
…remembers swimming across continents to avoid going pass enemy faction territory (with a coin on their keyboard)
…who made friends while walking through the Barrens
…the pain of saving up gold to buy your first flying mount
…knows what we mean when we say… dots, more dots.. stop dots!
…ARE NOT PREPARED!!!

We also welcome those who, over the years have been…
…got aggro’ed by their significant others
…taken away by real life
…raid real-life bosses
…and always goes to /rage quit.

Admissions is free for all! Register at www.warcraft.com/sg

We’re also mailing out physical invites to people who register above (limited to a few!) so let us know if you’re coming as soon as possible!

EVENT ACTIVITIES
We’re putting Darkmoon Faire in real life. Zouk might not be purple and green, but we’ll have fun games for people to play. Playing the games earn you points that you can redeem for cool prizes. Think about it like a WOW arcade!

We also have Blizzard merchandise for sale by Epic Loot if there’s other stuff you want to buy!

Lucky draw includes in-game items (which includes a certain rare polar bear mount from 2008…/grin)

We just want everyone to have fun and celebrate with us, feel free to bring your friends (even if they don’t play WOW!)

***Don’t forget to register for the event at www.warcraft.com/sg***

Looking forward to enjoying an EPIC day!

Makeup Remover Recommendation

If you’re like me, a fan of waterproof mascara, you might dreading wiping it off at the end of the day.
The skin around the eye area is very delicate.
Unfortunately, I tend to mistreat it at times, as well… hur hur hur.

Just as many other brands and products that I’ve tried, it took a long time before I found my fave and stuck to it.
There definitely are a lot of them out there, whatever your preference.
Cleansing milks, oil-based, alcohol-based, soap-based..
From the higher-end to the lower-end brands.

Hands down to the Biore makeup remover.

I have very oily and sensitive skin which is prone to breakouts.

For tough waterproof mascara, press it down a little on your lashes for a few seconds before wiping.
It’d get “soaked” up with the product, thus, being removed easier and faster afterwards.
Most non-wipes are a real mess and really annoys me for the black mess on my eyes, face and hands.
In addition to that, oil-based products that eases out tough mascaras would most likely cause a breakout on my skin.
But, not this one.
Plus, for the 44-sheets costs about SG$15, I think.
I’d prefer buying the 10-sheets (a loss of 4 sheets, but, about the same price if you add it up to 40 sheets)… only because somehow, the sheets dry up fast whenever I’d accidentally not close the lid tightly.

That doesn’t mean you don’t wash your face with your usual face cleanser after using a cleansing wipe though!
It might look clean and feel great (my face actually does feel clean after the wipe), but, the normal grime will still linger.
So, the normal routine of face washing should never be skipped.

I’ve been using this for more than a year now.
Loving it!!!

<3 Icesabel